They're All About Family Values

I just know our honorable Senator Craig is saying his prayers for forgiveness right now for the things he has not done. He and Berto and Cheney love Ronald Reagan, the most masterful, "I don't recall"-er of all time. He had Alzheimer's (we think)! What are your excuses? Don't worry Larry, a few Hail Mary's, a little rebirth and a whole lot of cash should get you out if this just fine.

John, thanks for the great picture!


¡Breakfast at Splotchy's!

Over at Mr. Splotchy’s Splotchfest he was handing out free interviews, unlike those for which I have paid, and this is the result. I must admit it was damn good for me and will certainly reciprocate the favor. Anyone wanting a five question interview, please state so the comments:

1. What's with the upside-down question marks and exclamation marks all over your blog? Do you have Hispanic or Latino(a?) blood in ya, or are those just symbols you fancy? (I think they are quite lovely, regardless of the reason for their inclusion.)

¡This is a great question! Well Señor Splòcia, I have said it in other places quite openly and honestly, “I am a poser.” While I had just completed a fourth semester in Spanish just before I began my illustrious blogging career a mere two and a half months ago, it has become clear to me that my tenuous skills are already fading and my ¡!’s and ¿?’s are all that remain. I even had to got to Babel Fish a few seconds ago, because I forgot which keys produce those squiggly lines over n’s. As you may have noticed, some of my earliest posts were part English and part Spanish, but those have become less frequent. I am very far from fluency, but held a job for a year in which I had to speak Spanish for 80% of my work day. My poor coworker, I had not yet learned tenses other than the present at that time. ¡Pobrecita! ¿You see, I’m not even sure that’s a word, but did you know until I just told you?

2. Just how cool or uncool is Austin, TX? Support your answer.

Austin is so cool, I’ll try and do it justice. (And BTW, I live 5 minutes outside the city limits right now, but still choose to call myself an Austinite – they’re cool like that.) I go to UT (even in my advanced age and mommidome) and do all my commercing and my children attend school there, so for all intensive purposes, let’s assume I live there.

I moved here in 1988 from Arkansas, so I had no choice, but to think this city with the in more recent years self-proclaimed motto “Keep Austin Weird” was cool. There was a time when this was self-evident and no keeping was necessary. I used to shop at the tiny (compared to the new world headquarters with underground parking garage and occasional ice rink on top) Whole Foods (the original) and worked at Martin Brothers Café, laminating toast to mail as toast cards and fixin’ up mother’s day omelettes on acid before I had children. When Slacker came out, I got really pissed at Austin and thought it portrayed the city at that time perfectly and I thought I’d go do something, so I moved to Philly with a boy (left out a few steps there) and could not find a job for the life of me, being pregnant and all and was mocked at the job I did eventually find for being friendly and helpful to the customers.

When I rode my bike around Philly, pregnant, I would have to pull over and throw up because of the smell of those stinky tar-burning pits. When I decided to move back to Austin (‘cause I got dumped with a bun in the oven and had to come crying back to my mommy (figuratively)), Austin and my friends welcomed me back. I was overwhelmed by the smell of lush greenery I was not even aware I had not been smelling.

Austin has suffered from it’s normal share of increased lameness due to growth, rent increase, gentrification, traffic (bad), and the like, but has a vigilant locally minded community that likes to fight Wal-Marts, promote artistic funkiness, take clothing-optional critical mass bike rides and swim in Barton Springs. My coolness is no match for Austin's. It’s so cool that though I live in a lovely house on 5 acres, totally private from all of my neighbors, with solar panels, I want to move back into the city soon (I’m tired of being car dependent and Austin’s got great public transportation and the ability to put a bike on the front of the buses.) I’ll give it a coolness of 666 out of a possible 700. I don’t think I have done it justice, but this is long enough.

3. Would you say the inception of your blog has made you less politically minded, more politically minded, or has not affected your political views/involvement?

I can say that my blog has certainly made me more politically motivated, but I have to thank George Bush for that as well.

I have been politically inclined most of my life, but have had days which were more political in ways that were not so much sitting in front of the computer, but even that is an improvement on my recent self/family/school-absorbed few years.

My blog is, actually, the result the perfect storm of free time this summer, out of school home with my kids in the weekdays, positive feedback on some writing I sent in to No Cure For That (wanting to have a place to which to link back) and a ripe political season. (I also wrote one of The Hermit’s least viewed videos in his first write-an-episode contest also.) Also being a 35percenter has helped me to feel accountable to others in speaking out for what I want, namely Dennis Kucinich to be elected as the next president so that my children will not be drafted into future wars the current administration is cultivating as we speak (given there is a future, environmentally speaking.)

4. Which would you find more tolerable?

a) President Bush serves out his term.
b) Bush leaves office for some reason (death, impeachment, a massive outbreak of brush at his ranch) and Cheney becomes President for the remainder of the term.

!I asked you to be gentle Mr. Spanky and look at this question!

I can see disadvantages to both, but the advantages to b. are:

There is the “one down, one to go” factor.

I’ll go with a. for two reasons:

1) Cheney would bomb Iran faster.

2) I would have to channel Cheney’s diary excerpts in my MySpace blog and that sounds terribly disgusting. At least George is perverted and horny (in my blog) and the world is one big naïve playground for him to do whatever he wants.

5. Could you please answer this self-referential question in the form of a haiku?

If simply stated,
And words are not unlike grain,
The feast is over.



By Freida Bee

I want to capture it, so it won’t go away.
I don’t like it, but sit with it
To know it,
Churning, bubbling, uprising.
Why don’t you speak clearly?
My mind boils and steam
Out of ears burns those
Who whisper in my ear
To say, “I love you.”

What mental disorder do you have?
Your Result: Manic Depressive

You have extreme cycles of highs and lows. Sometimes you feel like you don't know who you are. One week you could be very hyper and happy and the next week you are slow and depressed.

ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder)
GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder)
OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
What mental disorder do you have?

I don't think this constitutes an official diagnosis, but it does explain my posts.


Proud Pissant Political Provacateurs

I want to thank Samurai Frog for this award that he gave me from his pad, Electronic Cerebrectomy, and I want to give him this sign as a token of my appreciation and prize for best blog name.

Politics are so easy to blog about because all I have to do is google George Bush and I've got an idiotic story. Case in point, Presidential Proclamations. George Bush hijacked my Mypace Blog (at gunpoint) and I have been forced to channel his diary excerpts ever since. I was not the first one he did that to (or any of this, really,) but I was unaware of the others and then looked it up to see that they have been writing his diary for him for years...figures.

To honor Mr. Toadie today, because he's such a MySpace fan, I am posting George's diary entry from my profile here today. I think it exemplifies my unbiased, fair opinion of the man and politics in general, which is why I assume I got this award:

Dear Diary,

All the time, I am reading these Presidential Proclamations that they, Dick and Karl, hand me. Well, when Karl's out of here, I'm gonna take back Washington and make my own proclamation. From now on, August 25th, 2007 is going to be National Fluffer Nutter day. I had Nancy send a Memo over to the Ketchup Advisory Board about this one, and they rejected it, but they forgot that I am the decider.

Anyway, I think they are failing to see the benefits of these gooey sandwiches made of peanut butter and marshmallow fluff. I have proposed that they be fed to children in public schools all over the U.S. on this day. They are nutritious and supply a much needed nutrient found in marshmallows, silicone, that Americans are in danger of being deficient in since jello consumption is on the decline, my staff scientists tell me. Silicone comes from gelatin which is made from animal hooves and is essential for hair and fingernail growth. Everybody knows how important hair is to the American people, just ask John Edwards. And more hair means more haircuts and that is just good for business.

Besides, Dick said he signed a contract with the cattle industry to buy all those hooves and we need something to do with them all. They stink when burned and they threaten all the landfill space we need for our piles of plastic packaging. These are the kinds of deals I just don't think Dennis Kucinich is capable of when he becomes president and I think he will learn the hard way how America operates.

Also, jelly has the same rich nutrients as ketchup and kids get that already in their school lunches, the national ketchup advisory board is already taking care of them like that. This is the least I can do as president to improve this great nation for us all.

Gotta go, Silver Spoons is on and Laura's about to be here to fluff my nutter in honor of this important day.

Later, -W

See, his intentions are all good. What harm can a little ignorance do?

And now, without further ado, I will pass on the award to five other bloggers whose politically minded prowess impresses this pissant- said like croissant:

1) I hereby award Manila Rice at The Largest Minority (though I don’t think he qualifies in the pissant category, but what would a pissant like me know about that?) this award, firstly, for his excellent blogging. Really, it’s not just that since I don’t have cable, I watch Daily Show clips there, but he has posted (if you need them) videos of each of the Democratic Debates over there too. Awesome!

2) I have become quite fond of The News in Haiku over at No Cure for That and I promise it’s not (fully) because I like to see my own writing there. “Simply brilliant,” is all I can say.

3) I will also award The 35 Percenters as one baddass group of blogging Political Provocateurs, some of whom, (since Monkey Muck and myself, at minimum are among them.) qualify.

4) Fourthly, I would like to add a blogger/ poet who I am just blogrolling today to the list, poetryman, whose blog, A Poetic Justice, is right up my figuative alley. He may not like my calling him a pissant the first day I met him, but so it goes, poetic justice (sic, sorry.)

5) And lastly, but certainly not leastly Geoftopia posted the very same video I am going to post (as did the brilliant Dr. Master Z. Great minds.... Geoff makes me yearn to be in San Fran, especially for the sleek new mass transit system and naked activists that he pictures on his newish (like mine) site.

Crap, I didn't award any of these to women. That was because I think Blue Gal and Lo are more like black belt bloggers and I need to meet more.


May I help You?

Did I just see you stare a bit
Because my hairy legs mean I’m a fag?
And were you laughing when I said,
“I’ll take those maxi pads with no bag?”
Would you find it to be more appropriate in the store
If blood was flowing down shaven legs to drip upon the floor?
Did you just snarl at my child when she laughed “too” loud?
And pinch yours when he cried?
Do you seethe with anger at your wife
Because she’s always dissatisfied?
Do you wish to stare me in the eye and speak a bold-faced lie,
That given my immoral ways, you’re far more civilized than I?

That's What I Was Saying!


What (or Rather Who) Is Missing From This Picture?

Do you think it even crossed the photographer's (or an ABC higher up's) mind to cut the pic short on the right side rather than the left in this picture featuring the candidates in promotion of Sunday's democratic debate? Funny, when a poll showed Dennis to be the winner that they would leave him out of the picture altogether. How are these types of choices affecting voters without them even realizing it? Since Kucinich is in alignment on the issues with more Democrats in greater numbers than Hillary, Barack or Johnny boy, I'd say something weird is going on. I just hope truly equitable, fair, choices will be made...FOR A CHANGE!

p.s. Is it just me or did they use a cardboard cut-out of Hillary?


I have a very conservative, dear relative who I have am seeking to send a gift to to tell him that I am thinking about him. I immediately though of our longstanding tradition of practical joking with each other. Something he could hardly stand less would be something like a t-shirt saying "My liberal longhorn niece came all the way from Texas and all she could afford to give me was this organic cotton t-shirt."

I didn't think a shirt so specific has been made, but looked anyway under what liberal pics would yield on a google search and found some nice items. I found this...

But, he's an aetheist Republican (rarer, I know) and has no qualms about evolution. Though, there are some liberal bloggers I know that would take that as the highest form of flattery and he would hate that. But, I decided to look further to find...

I kept looking until I found this t-shirt. I knew I was on the right track...

Then I thought that there might be things that he would actually like, that it might be more mature to go that route, like this...

or this...

I certainly found items that I would never give him, like these...

Too creepy, but this...

A little something for him and a little something for me. Now, I just need it on a t-shirt.


No Cure For That

Check it out! A new site for No Cure For That is up in conjunction with The Hermit and I have some writing there you should check out! For the past couple of months I have been submitting these Lit 101 (and sometimes 202 and 303) items there. My reign as queen Bee of the 101's is destined to come to an end as others hear about and see this cool new site. Even though I love seeing my writing there, my favorite part of the new site is the News in Haiku. Fucking brilliant! And submit your work too, so more people will go there and see my work! Here is an example of a Lit 101 piece, but I must warn you; they are addictive to read and to write. As you can see, I'm hooked.

Divestment, Another Form of Investment
By Freida Bee

Five dollars buys popcorn in Cleveland theaters for conscientious viewers of indie flicks depicting the exploitation of indigenous peoples and their lands. With exquisite manicures and designer gowns, outraged audiences promote lavish fundraisers to address the humanitarian crises of the day. Awareness of sweatshops employing child slaves is needed to encourage consumers to purchase local products that do not require overseas commutes, but even one of the millions of one-dollar pencils I write this with is too extravagant a price to pay to state the obvious. We already know that if shopping at Wal-Mart ceased, it would go out of business.


¡Here's One For You, Monkey Boy!

Señor Mono et al.,

It's Tuesday, I know, but...

You deserve it!

Impeach Cheney: Peaceman vs. The Chenguin

"54% of American adults are in favor of impeaching Vice President Dick Cheney, according to a recent American Research Group poll. Amongst Democrats specifically, 76% favor impeachment, yet for some reason Dennis Kucinich is the only Democratic presidential candidate willing to represent this overwhelming majority. The great disparity between public support and political support is also evident with regards to universal not-for-profit healthcare, of which Dennis is again the only candidate to stand for the vast majority of Americans who favor such a system.

Visit ImpeachCheney.org to show your support for HR Res 333, Dennis Kucinich's resolution to impeach Vice President Cheney on three charges. Congressman Kucinich's clear case for impeachment can be found at the link below:

Supporting Documents for H Res 333" - 35 Percenters on YouTube

Visit The 35 Percenters at the35percenters.com! and join us!


¿What Country Am I?

I was hoping for Spain, France or Sweden, but this is funny after yesterday's posting.... I hope I have socialized medicine there at least. I know they have mandatory army service by each young man for a period in young adulthood...sorry.

You're Cyprus!

Your parents probably had different ethnic backgrounds and now they're
almost certainly divorced, or at least they argue all the time.  You mostly just wish
they'd leave you alone instead of using you as a pawn in their tortured conflict with each
other.  Instead, you've become the battleground for a fight that doesn't really feel
like it's yours.  You'd rather just go fishing.  But that doesn't look likely in
the immediate future.  Just keep cooking with olive oil and you'll live longer, at

Take the Country Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid


Thank Gawd Someone Stirred the Melting Pot!

This is why I love hermits...

If you haven't seen the spectacle, every Ron Paul supporter that exists on YouTube came out of the woodwork to propel this recent video to the higher ranks of the "most discussed." While I agree that Ron Paul appears, by all my best guesses, a very honest individual, even from down here in his home state, his appeal to me is lost on the issues. He and Dennis are both supporters of getting the hell out of Iraq and were the only two who did not sign on (see Rothman-Kirk link down on the right somewhere) to pursuing action against Iran, but they are coming from very different points of view. While being from a family of Republicans by birthright, I am very capable of liking a person and not liking his or her politics and I feel like that about Dr. Ron. He also favors states rights on the abortion issue, privatization of the healthcare (Medicare) system, elimination of the income tax and staying out of the affairs of other countries. A true Republican as I've heard him claim, I agree. Unlike the other panderers running for the Republican nomination, he is a viable candidate...,BUT (and that's a big but)many liberal are in favor of Dr. Paul's libertarianism ideologies.

Here's a rare little story I'd like to interject that might help you glean insight into the real pseudo-Freida Bee.... In my growin' up home, my parents and I discussed politics avidly. A Contemporary Affairs class I took my senior year in high school was a real boost for me in the months leading up to my first votable election (the one when George Bush Sr. won.) I recall liking Paul Simon on the issues, but voting for a Republican against GB, Sr. I thought. I helped my mom, secretary of our county's Rep. party, tabling at a Bob Dole fundraiser. I was smitten with Elizabeth Dole at the time, Secretary of Transportation. I felt certain she would be the first female president. Well, not to drag this painful period on too much further fast forward to a year later when I was screwing around in college and had to get my first job on my own (oh, I had babysat and then worked at Burger- if you've got time to lean, you've got time to clean- King or the BK Lounge and then as a room service attendent, croissant placer and then brunch-line crépe flambér at a fancyish hotel in high school.) This time, on my own, I wondered what jobs I was qualified to hold.

Well, as ashamed as I am to say, I got myself hired at the Republican Party of Texas! Ouch, that smarts to say, but I could not have asked for a better education. I had thought, "Well, I am a Republican, but I just am against the death penalty and prochoice...." Well, I got myself into a moral quandry when Ann Richards and Clayton (a woman should lay back and take it) Williams were squaring off for the Texas governorship. I toungue in cheekly asked if it would be a problem for me to volunteer for Richard's campaign while I still worked there. I was being promoted to some of the lesser office work, but I was primarily a phoner for donations and quite good at it, Phoner of the Month and hooey like that. They said, "No." I couldn't believe it and of course that made me really want to do it, but the final straw was when one day I actually READ the Republican Party Manifesto, I mean platform. Not only was I opposed to the dealth penalty, abortion, and many social program issues, I read their policies concerning gay rights. That did it! I have to back up a bit here again and say that in my little home town not one person was, to my knowledge, gay (to my knowledge, I said.) In my dorm at UT I had found my flaming Cypriot best friend and was frequenting the gay bars in total fascination and self-exploratory heaven over a world I had not even fathomed existed. Men kissing men? Women kissing women? I had never even imagined it as a lifestyle choice even though I had explored it in younger days...(won't go into that,) but suffice it to say, for people to admit they thought or did those things was a complete and wonderful shocker for me. Back to RPT days...the RP (ha, Republican Party/ Ron Paul) platform clearly stated that gay adults should not even have custody of their own children, much less adopt! As soon as I finished reading the page I was literally out the door with a huge lesson. The issues of a party, stance, or religion, define their organizations as do the people who belong to them.

This is what gets me and I hope many Democrats wake up to here. Dennis Kucinich's campaign recently released some numbers stating that a majority of Democrats agree with him on the issues, yet the majority say they would vote for Obama, Clinton, or Paul? That's what I'm talking about. See who you agree with on the issues before you vote!

Oh, and the melting pot metaphor, I almost forgot. We all need to stir it because too many are stuck at the bottom getting burned, while the middle is getting stagnant and complacent, and the top is building up with scum!


I'm A Big Weener!

I was too busy before Thursday to post a blog and then was watching Ween burst into flames...

It was cool, but not quite like when I saw them in the 50's...
I know I've been a bad bloggrrrl. Señor Mono even had to resort to commenting on my last blog while this sat as a draft for three days. I hope you don't all look like the picture from my last blog after waiting for a new posting.


¡Dont Let Them Get Left Behind!

Keep up the Pressure for Real NCLB Reform!

Your calls and letters urging a comprehensive overhaul of the federal Elementary and Secondary Education Act (ESEA)/No Child Left Behind (NCLB) are having a major impact!

So far, we've blocked efforts to push through an inadequate bill. But supporters of the current law are still working to stop fundamental reform. We have the month of August, while Congress is on recess, to puncture the rhetoric of those who claim NCLB is the only way to do "accountability." This is no time to let up the pressure we've worked so hard to build.

Members of Congress are at home in August --
talk to them about NCLB reform now!

Tell your Representatives and Senators to rely on the Joint Organizational Statement on NCLB and the legislative recommendations of the Forum on Educational Accountability to guide their votes on reauthorization of NLCB.

Find your Representative' s contact information at www.house.gov and your Senators' at www.senate.gov. Focus your message on these key changes needed in the law:

√ Assess academic progress using multiple sources of evidence across all core subjects to encourage a rich, varied and equitable curriculum for all students. Every child deserves a nourishing education, not the empty calories of test prep drill-and-kill in two subjects, which is becoming standard fare, particularly in classrooms serving poor and minority communities.

√ Create a balanced accountability system based on more than just test scores. Hold schools and districts accountable for making systemic changes that support school improvement, such as high-quality professional development and strong parental involvement. Provide additional, targeted assistance to enable low-performing schools to educate all children well. Provide significant financial support to help states and districts develop multiple measures and balanced accountability systems.

√ End arbitrary "Adequate Yearly Progress" (AYP) requirements, which most testing experts agree set students and schools up for failure. Expect Title I schools to post learning gains based on rates of student improvement attained by effective schools serving similar children. Allow growth measures that track the progress of the same students from year to year.

√ Reduce the amount of mandated testing. Scrap the requirement to test every child every year in grades three through eight. Allow sampling procedures for accountability purposes.

√ Support research, development and dissemination of high-quality assessments for English language learners and students with disabilities, including tools to be used by and professional development for teachers.

Act Now - and Spread the Word!
For a copy of the Joint Statement and the reports and recommendations of the Forum on Educational Accountability, go to http://www.edaccountability.org/.

Monty Neill


Putting Your Kids to the Sharks

I don't know what it is, call me old fashioned (actually please don't,) but there's something that seems a little off about this headlines-worthy (?) story that made me shudder. While I am a little jealous and admit there are times this might seem like a good solution to shift my kids out of their bickering-mode, putting your children in a cage to look at sharks up close seems a little mean. I just know what would happen if I told my sons not to touch something.

I have been a bad blogger and might need a spanking for resting on my schmoozing laurels for so long before posting a new blog entry, but since Mr. Monkifier is out of town, I cannot harrass him with comments and will just have to make my own post. I promised I'd steal his Wal-Mart pic, so I did.

I thought I'd post a few bumper stickers I enjoy from the front of my daughter's dresser. I'm darn proud of that girl.

The only beef I have with this second picture is that it's untruthful in that he's actually one of the worst liars I've ever seen. He's just a prolific liar who keeps restating the same points. Okay, I'll give him that...he doesn't change his story. He just keeps the same story no matter what circumstances present themselves.

I have no idea where my daughter got this sticker, but it makes me almost as proud as I was when my other daughter brought home a Violent Femmes CD the other day (after visiting her grandparents funnily enough.) We sang (she much better than I) the whole album together. Fun stuff. I won't be putting my daughters to the sharks. That's for sure, but that cage is another story....