Anyone Up For Some Cheese? Oh, Me Me Me Me!

I was tagged by Mathman to meme, which is fine. I usually appreciate the excuse to write about myself even more than my very own personal blog already allows. I keep coming up with lists in my head, so lists it is:

1. Like Mathman, I will be a high school math teacher, hopefully hired a year from now. But, these are a few jobs I'd really rather have: Poet Laureate for a Stephen Colbert Presidency, Landscape Designer/ Gardener for Robin Williams, Personal Chef for the Dennis Kucinich White House, Campbell Scott's Personal Erotica Writer.

2. My muses: My Anger, Sex, Hermits, Poets, Environmental Activists, Smart and Big or Small-Breasted Women, Funny Men, Monkeys, Apes and other furry Presidential Candidates, and Splotchy Doodle Accessories.

3. Things that have saved my marriage time and time again: Comforters, "You might be right," Masturbation, Realizing, "Oh yea, we never actually got married," Velveeta (literally and figuratively.)

4. My favorite foods: Portabello Mushrooms, Zuchinni, Those Roasted Chickens at the Grocery Store (How do they cook those to such juicy perfection?) Carob Malt Balls, Wheat Roast, My Homemade Tomatillo Salsa That's Never The Same Twice- sometimes (with those good restaurant-style tortilla chips, the brand of which I can never remember.)

5. Strange beliefs I hold: Reincarnation and Parallel Universes are the Same Thing (only one is seen through the filter of time,) I Feel Energy With My Hands, We Are All One Being, I Am Not Schizophrenic.

6. Things that turn me on: Studying Math With Someone, Boners, Alliterative Allusions, Poetic Paradoxes, Fall Weather, Hayrides, Overalls, Punk Rock Hairdos, Clean Sheets, People Who Comment My Blog, Women Who Cuss, The Color Brown, Music With Melodic Bass Lines, My Husband, Getting Rained On, Touching My Nipples Through My Shirt, People Who Admit They Like ABBA, Accents, Being Partially Clothed, Hairy Legs (especially if they are women's,) Baths, The Really Tall Guy At My Work Who Just Walked By Me, Giving Presents, The Smell of Magnolia Flowers, Public Displays of Affection, Undershirts, My Discrete Math Teacher a Couple Semesters Ago, Cooking Utensils (especially spatulas,) School Supplies (especially mechanical pencils and big erasers,) Starting Fires, Pizza, Being Naked Outside, Kites, NPR, A Big Bag of a Brand New Thrift Store Wardrobe, My Best Friend, Pregnant Bellies, Written Accounts of Sex, Hiding, My Husband's Best Friend, Sleeping in a Tent. (Okay, clearly this one needs to be its own blog posting, because I could just keep going.)

7. Things I don't like: Long Toenails, Raisins, Traffic, My Own Stubbornness, When I Get a Bad Haircut, Rejection, Wearing Make-up, Small Forks, Chipped Nail Polish, Getting No Emails, To Wear Pink or Yellow, Uncomfortable Shoes, Making Mistakes, Wastefulness, Time Constraints, Going To Bed Early, Lying, Coca-Cola, Craving Cigarettes, Running Late, Microwaves, Neutrality, Rashes, Having Chapped Lips, Eating in My Car.

8. Advantages of having a parent with OCD: This List Will Be Complete.

9. Political issues over which I disagree with Dennis Kucinich:

10. People I tag: Randal Graves (oops, FranIAm already tagged you. Well, add a bonus one for me, please.), Whiskeymarie (Oh man, you were tagged just last week. Maybe you'd like to put a meme in your pocket for later and then blame it on me. I don't like rejection- see above.), Snave (I've never met you, but I like your blog and Hi.), Evil Spock (Please come out to meme!), and my two close bloghottie buddies upon whom I often call in dire emergencies such as these, DCup and Dr. Monkey. And I'll remind Dr. Zaius and Angry Ballerina that I would tag them, but I did before and they did not heed the call. Let this serve as a new tag if you still want the blog fodder and felt it too late or call yourself officially untagged, if you didn't want it to begin with. Closure.


Randal Graves said...

A very interesting list of things that will make mine seem even more banal than it already is shaping up to be. I mean, I've never been naked outside before, for starters.

Two more things: that poet laureate thing? Uh uh. That one's mine. Secondly, if by a bonus you mean 10 more random facts, do you realize how fucking difficult it was to come up with the first ten? Thirdly, if you absolve me from the bonus, you can have the job. Just get me some choice seats for any fancy shindigs at the White House.

Freida Bee said...

Maybe we could share the position until that erotica writer thing pans out.

I meant add an eleventh item. (What kind of laureate am I with my unclear antecedents?)

If that is too much, maybe your never been naked outside confession could be it...or wait a minute. I'm not really familiar with this absolution thing, but I'm thinkin' I might want to make you sweat it a little first.

Your choice.

Freida Bee said...

Ok, I've made my decision, Randal. You can be absolved if you got be naked outside...however, whenever, wherever.

Skinny dipping qualifies.

Report back.

Randal Graves said...

No, that makes you even more qualified than I since I assumed the most obvious, literal answer. I bow to your ambiguity.

But I'll gladly add an eleventh because right now it's 45 degrees and though I vastly prefer the cold of autumn and winter to the insane sunny humidity of summer, I ain't getting fucking naked today. Outside.

When it warms up in six months, I'll report back.

Mathman6293 said...

OK, I do like a few Abba songs, and hairly legs and well the math is obvious- especially functions.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Thanks for namig me a Friend o' the Bee. I'll do my meme shortly.

jin said...

Ohhh...I LOVE how you answered these! Esp. #5... Interesting!

You simply must buy a Splotchy doodle accessory! I don't want to be the only one walking around with that on my *blank*!

fairlane said...

I too dislike long toe nails. Nothing worse than being awakened by someone's bear claws ripping the flesh from the back of your legs.

ryanshaunkelly said...

colbert gravel kucinich paul nader carter [conyers?] united for truth elicit fear smear blacklist.

honesty compassion intelligence guts...

Freida Bee said...

Randal -Your 11th item had to be good for me to not insist you get your naked ass outside.... It was good.

Mathman- AND you comment my blog.

Dr. M- I look forward to a further glimpse into the corners of your monkey mind. "Friend o' the Bee" sounds like some off-brand honey in that classy grocery store.

Jin- I thought Splotchy doodle thongs were porn until I saw your pastries. Ooolala. Oh, I'll be getting my Splotchy accessories. They are about to be all the rage and I want to be the second.

Fairlane- And here I thought I was alone in my wish not to be impaled by long toenails. Thank goodness this is my one blog entry I invited my husband to read. (No, I'll not malign him like that, because I fear the karmic retribution that would be him starting his own blog. Then, I'd really be in trouble.)

rsk- Thanks for stopping by. I'm glad you've added Colbert to your list. That might help my and Randal's chances here.

Freida Bee said...

And Fairlane darn it, if you're not 2% eviler than me. I'll have to try harder.

FranIAm said...

OH MY - what a great 10 random posting.

I thought Randall's was the best until I got here.

You rule sister. Anyone who loves velveeta and hates long toenails is number one to me.

You are so provocative and that is something I love.

Whiskeymarie said...

What a coincidence- I'm sitting outside right now, naked, listening to "Fernando" with my new punk rock hairdo and I haven't shaved my legs in at least a week.

I will gladly take the meme- oh lordy how I do love talking about myself.

angry ballerina said...

Shit! My bad! I'll get right on it!

Dr. Zaius said...

My apologies, I am up to my fuzzy chin in paperwork! And let me just say that any marriage based on both figurative and literal Velveeta can't be all bad.

"We Are All One Being" = "Mindwalk" (1991)

Randal Graves said...

Fran, I'm crushed.

Actually, I'm not. Freida's IS a better list. I'm just amazed at your ability to kiss babies and shake hands at the same time. ;-)

Freida Bee said...

Fran- Yea. I love provocation, especially the type that arises in me from having the words "long toenails" "Velveeta" in the same sentence as you have so masterfully just accomplished. I bow to you... and will give a birthday salute while I'm at it.

WM- My word. Five turn-ons in one sentence. I'm as flushed as when I saw you dressed as a mentally ill mime. That was love at first sight.

Angry Ballerina- Sorry if I made you feel bad. My intention was to make you feel so important that meme's are below you, but I'll reiterate my wish to know more of the angry behind the ballerina. More, more, more. (And don't wear a belt for me one day, but not around your pervy boss.)

Thank you Dr. Z- I must see any movie that heralds such reviews as:

"Mindwalk is a film that is so cerebral that it loses most of its audience in the first half hour."

"Perhaps the least compelling and entertaining movie I have ever seen is Mindwalk."

I mean it.

Randal, I'm still nostalgic from your number 11. Different... maybe, better... I don't think so.

BAC said...

On number 9 -- I support abortion rights, Kucinich doesn't.


DCup said...

Fuck! I'm late!

Ten random things? Got it.

Evil Spock said...

Evil Spock isn't sure how this meme works. Is Evil Spock supposed to write 10 things about Evil Spock?

Freida Bee said...

Oops. Didn't see your question here. Yep ES that's it. You'll be happy to know I'm in the mental process of devising a more evil meme if you want to wait. Otherwise. 10 random items. By virtue of your pure evilness, you could vilify a meme anyway.

DD-Thank you. Thank you.

BAC- I am glad you pointed that out.