12/9/07

A Real World Curriculum

Finally, a reason to say it!

In proper blogging fashion, Randal Graves has tagged me back with this (YET ANOTHER) brilliant meme.

Here's the deal: Write about 5 classes you would like to take if you could make up your own curriculum. AND- and this is important, ONE of them must come from your tagger's list.

This is what we offer here at Freida Bee U:

HOW TO FIND A LOVER WITH BAD POETRY: 3 PM, Fridays

Listen, us unattractive types have enough problems as it is getting up close and personal with that special human being. Or, even if they're not all that special, they're at least lustable. So what to do when you have the unshaven face of a coked-out Alice In Chains roadie, no fancy car nor snappy threads? Lyrical lamentations of leering love, losers! Birth paeans like Byron, pen like Petrarch, cajole like Catullus, seduce like Shakespeare, be risque like Ronsard - once you've completed our course, a few simple lines will have you gasping for air after the dirty deed has been done uncounted times! Casanova? A chump!

USURPING THE DOMINANT PARADIGM: 11 AM, Tuesday/ Thursdays

If you are sick of feeding the wealthy with all your hard work and sweat, this class is for you! A required course for those pursuing arts degrees, this course can help you make employment choices that reflect, in a sense, doing what you love. Break out of the middle man class structure by learning to: lead a fossil fuel free lifestyle, shop locally, barter, and connect with others seeking to do the same. Prereq. Requirements include a blog, a zine, a local radio show, a bicycle, but being ANGRY AS HELL will suffice in the absence of any and all of the previous requirements.

EXPLORATION OF SEXUALITY: 4:30 PM, Fridays

Do you love sex? Have you done just about everything your creative mind can fathom and just want new ideas? Is your partner not as kinky as you and you want to implement your ideas with other like-minded students? Here at the FreidaBee U, we encourage you to explore your sexuality. This course will help you to: determine or sexpand your gender preferences, sexplore and create new sexniques, practice your sexquisite lovemaking skills with the guidance of our trained sexperts, turn any word containing “ex” into a sexual reference with a few simple sexplanations and more. Please note: This class follows “HOW TO FIND A LOVER WITH BAD POETRY” and may be taken simultaneously with your own self-approval.

LIT 101: This is a self-paced, web-based course.

Do you find the idea of writing a short story or poem daunting? Do you fear publishing rejection? Procrastinate no more! This course will have you writing these 101 word items in your sleep. This is the ideal introductory course to writing, which can be followed up by the series Lit 202, Lit 303, etc. until you are writing a short story or novel or by the blogging or poetry series. Works produced in the class will be happily presented on No Cure For That. This class is perfectly timed with ncft’s upcoming revamption and rejuvenation. (Seriously submit your writing!)

DOGMATIC ELIMINATION: This class will meet whenever students feel like it.

Are you tired of being ashamed that you have bodily functions and needs? Do you find a little voice of guilt in your head when things are going well in your life? Is your life diminished by rules you were taught that contradict logic and do more harm than good? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions (or ones you personally deem more relevant,) you may be ready to eliminate your dogma! This class will study the following books: Blasphemy is Good For Me, The Undoing of Authoritarian Thinking, Consensus Rules, Anarchy is Not Chaos, Homosexuality is Not a Disease, Masturbation Will Not Make You Go Blind, Evolution Is Scientific, Global Warming is Happening, and more. This class will include seminars on the following subjects: Boodie Shakin’, Speaking the Truth, Poverty is a Crime that Needn’t Be, Practical Condom Application, and more. You needn’t be enrolled in this class to attend and payments for this class will be on the Honor System.

I tag these people who I think will have worthwhile curricula (and I haven't tagged them in the last week already):

Germaine Gregarious
DCap (You have been unscathed by the meme's from what I can tell as of late and that ends here.)
Liberality (When school's over for you and you are free to turn to thoughts of how you would have rather spent your time this semester.)
Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator
Commander Other (One day blogrolled and yes, I am tagging you. This run of memes' got me desperate. What can I say?- Plus I want to see your curriculum.)

13 comments:

Distributorcap said...

i feel the enrollment skyrocketing at my school

Synthaetica said...

lol.

commander other dropped out of school in the first grade and joined the army, but he'll give it a try....

from now on, though, i'm going to consider the karmic ramification of blogrolling people, LOL!

thanks for the tag. probably tomorrow, though. sunday nights for me are prep nights for monday client deliveries.

Synthaetica said...

oh. i should pay better attention. i just now read your profile.

commander other grew up under a pseudonym in san antonio. attended college for a few years in austin at that big ol' funky university ya'll gots there.

and, not that i really needed to say this, but....

HOW 'BOUT DEM COWBOYS!!!!

Randal Graves said...

Fighting The Man, writing like a goddamn beatnik, engaging in blasphemy and, most importantly, lots o' fuckin, shit, forget Randal U, I'm transferring! But about the spanking/blind thing. My eyesight is getting worse as I get older. There might be a correlation.

Freida Bee said...

DC- Yes, I am afraid the enrollment at your school is already too high -except in the class you copied from me. You mock me, first with ABBA and now I'm a communist? I'll have you know I am a mix of socialist, feminist, anarchist, democrat, pervert, AND communist and in that order.

CO- Don't hate me because I meme'd. Even if it's whenever sounds absurdly long to wait, that's fine. Plus, I'll wait 'til you pay me back to do it again, unless my dogmatic elimination class is more effective than i think it might be. Yes, am attending that big ol' funky U on their 20 year plan, but that's only 'til FBU takes off.

Note: To be sportingly duplicitous, I am a Texan (now) and I could have certain team leanings, but I also have a father in-law who played for the Cleveland Browns back in some day (and for only one year, if any of my commenteurs are from Ohio and loathe Dallas,) but must admit the College Championship, in which UT seriously rocked, was the only game I have watched since that one when those guys did that super bowl shuffle.

Randal- You're not just transferring, you are on the faculty. Yes, you are at least teaching your "How to Find a Lover With Bad Poetry" (which I will be attending by the way.)

Randal Graves said...

Good thing you don't know anyone from Ohio who loathes Dallas.

And sure, I'll teach, but can I have a puff or two or a sip or half a bottle of wine before each class? I get nervous in front of large groups.

Kailash Chand said...

Today global warming news is very danger news for earth life. Now this global warming issues takes big picture for this world. Now we are aware about this issue.

Fran said...

See you Friday at 4.30 darling...

Dr. Zaius said...

Ha! These are great! I tried the whole "writing 101 word items in your sleep" thing, though, with limited success. It came out looking just like a bunch of keys being struck by my head hitting a keyboard.

SamuraiFrog said...

What I want to know is, can I get certified in sexual exploration even though I've only been doing home-study?

Synthaetica said...

sounds like you already have the course material in hand, samuraifrog!

Freida Bee said...

bcj- Thank you for your comment and the links.

Randal- Our motto at F.B.U. (darn, Fran you got F.U.) is "What you don't know might kill you." Since we don't have any mottos about what we do know, I guess it's okay with me. I am guessing it's the Sexual Exploration Class you'll be teaching then. There are usually 300 or so students in that class, but no pressure.

Fran- Yes, since Randal will be teaching, we can be lab partners.

Dr. Zaius, Then I whole heartedly agree that you take the course. Your submission is all that's required.

Samurai- Now, CERTIFICATION is another matter altogether, something you'll have to discuss with your "academic" advisor.

Oh Commander, Pithy statements like that will have you breezing through our study of sexual reference materials.

Synthaetica said...

did it, finally. sorry, yesterday was not a good day.