7/18/08

Is There a Mind Reader in the House?

I'm hurt that no one commented the posts I didn't write. After we've known each other this long, I've come to expect you to read my mind. Only one dear sends me private emails and says, "'S'up?" And then, I'm such a cuntlicker (no, not the Cindy McCain variety) that I haven't even replied to them. I could lie to you guys that I've been very busy on my personal writing project (which it has become), but then I would be lying and if I don't say things like that some times, then you'll never believe it when I really am lying and I don't want you to know.

You see, I am finishing the third day of teh Master Cleanse. Crap, I thought I might get off without doing any links, but it seems I need them to get off after all. So, when I haven't been posting, I've been tending to Scruffy the bunny who has successfully taken to peeing in a litter box (it's funny), but still needs to work on getting his little pebbly poops in there, though he's gotten a few. So far, he's been living in my daughters' room on their floor and I'm rather liking it. There's more to the story which I shall tell as a story unto itself tomorrow when I am getting paid to blog at work. Worry not though; it's not really all that interesting.

Anyway, The Future President asked me last week if she could do the Master Cleanser with her best friend. (I put that "er" there since that's how I learned it, even though it's technically wrong. If I use a southern twang, then it's to be expected that I will botch the name.) I was very skeptical of letting her do it as she is only 13, though her friend did it last year and had no problems. I thought about it for a few days and told her that she could do it if she stayed with me the whole time and I did it with her. I wanted her to do it right. I first did it back in 1996, I think and did it a handful of times in a couple years, but had one time it did me wrong and I broke the fast and hadn't done it again until last summer. In retrospect, I likely had difficulty with the fast that time due to hyperthyroidism which I wasn't diagnosed with until the following year, though it had been brewing into my love goiter for several years.

Anyhoo, things have been going well. TFP wanted to go to her dad's for the weekend and we made her all the lemonade she'd need for tomorrow, and I sent her with all the supplies she'd need for Sunday as well. She seems to be feeling quite well. Her skin is clearing a bit I've noticed, too. Since I caught her using some Tide pen crap that she put on a stain on her shirt and then didn't wash it off ("Where did you get that crap?"), I figure she's been exposed to plenty of chemicals in her lifetime that it wouldn't hurt for her to cleanse. I don't even like my kids being handsy around the bottom rows in grocery stores as I know they're likely laden with pesticides, not to mention their schools, parks, and the crap in the Count Chocula (served with organic soymilk, of course) I DID buy. I'd like to justify it by saying that the Mom's choice high-fiber O's with marshmallows had more sugar, and 2g of fiber per serving rather than the 1 the Whole Grain Count Chocula had. I know I'm gonna burn in hell for buying that. Just what is the incentive for behaving well if one has already transgressed, tell me.

Oh, I think I'm supposed to repent. Forgive me Jesus for buying Count Chocula for my children. I know it's far better when they're packaged as Koala Krisps, but whisper in my ear would ya, if there's really much difference between the two. You say they're organic, more conscientiously manufactured and that does matter? You say that Al Gore hath urged us all to forsake thee Count Chocula in favor o' Koala Bears. Then so be it. Amen and so on and so forthwithily shall it be.

I don't want to go really, but my alarm sounds at the unholy 4:45 on my workdays, so until tomorrow, be well and eat your Reese's Peanut Butter cereal Leapin' Lemurs. Oh, and how's your greenness coming along, Al? Oh, OK.

6 comments:

Randal Graves said...

If I'm buying Koala Krisps there damn well better be free-range Koala in there.

Master Cleanse sounds like some final boss guy from some weirdo, never-been-exported Japanese video game.

All your toxin are belong to us!

Ten days of that? I'll stay icky.

Anonymous said...

Did Al stop by when he got done at the Netroot Nations convention? I hope he didn't see the Count Chockula.

Utah Savage said...

Jesus, what happened while I was in lala land? I go crazy for a week or so--who can count the days when your crazy--and you go all cleansy on us? You dirty? Ha, you don't know dirty. I say go for the fiber tablets. They cleanse me right out and pronto. No ten days of liquids. Two days of a couple of yummy fiber tablets and I spend all day on the crapper. Voila, clean colon.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I love when you call yourself a cunt licker.

enc said...

I hear the Master Cleanse draws out all the strange emotions. And if that means buying Count Chocula for the kids, then sobeit. I'd do it! But then, the kids would never get their hands on it, because I'd eat it all!

Romius T. said...

I am leaving a comment here for no apparent reason. do not be alarmed!