8/30/08

If You Read This, I May Have To Kill You...

... by means of a slow, excrutiating recapitulation of the days I have missed blogging this week. I am morally obliged to commit such an act because I am going to tell you about how me and my veggie weiner gots us we's edumacation this week. According to Cristina with the most gorgeous accent evah! I am not to speak of the contents of our Real Analysis discussion WITH ANYONE outside the class. I haven't read Chapters One and Two, which seem to have been written specifically for this class (which is fortunate because I was able to return the $105 book the University Co-Op erroneously sold me), otherwise I might be able to know more for certain whether I can be held to some sort of consequence for mentioning an equation we discussed in class or not. Since I am a firm believer in the "Ignorance Is A Wonderful Excuse" school of thought when it pertains to myself, I will fill you in on my newly acquired skill, managing to discuss how to prove that any number times zero equals zero for 55 minutes. Impressive, I know. These are the skillz, or at least the tolerances, I will be required to possess by the time I am a math teacher, it seems.

In other news that I'm sure you haven't heard, John McCain just handed Barack Obama the election... unless Americans are as stupid as I think they might be. I technically find this picture offensive, but I'm not sure it's for the reason I think I'm supposed to. I have seen it circling the comments at Crooks and Liars and have heard it is most undoubtedly photoshopped, not that I could tell. But seriously folks. She's pretty. BFD. She hunts. She's a governor. She doesn't have lots of experience. She's got a four month-old baby. BFD. She is against abortion EVEN IN THE CASE OF RAPE AND INCEST. She wants creationism rather than evolution taught in schools. She will sell out our lands- you know her potential to be the scapegoat/ negotiator re: ANWR is a major tug here. Or maybe, Alaska's a swinging state? We all just heard on NPR last week how the Republicans themselves said offshore-drilling is their number one issue. We all heard how they refuse to acknowledge global warming's being human-caused. Gay marriage? Forget it. What we have here, folks is Mike Huckabee in a more visually pleasant package. The reason I find this picture offensive is because it's being used as a representation of a sexy image our cute governor of Alaska should not have.

Should she not have breasts? Should she not wear a low-cut shirt, a mini-skirt, high-heels, have sex for Gawd's sake? Good Lord, it's time we had a President, Vice-President, Pariliamentarian, or First Lady who gets naked and has sex already. My daughter attends an arts magnet school and last year she was given the assignment to re-create an ad of her choosing. She chose to draw an American Apparel ad for a tank thong. Her art teacher thought it was one of the better drawings and displayed it with others in the hall as is the protocol for such works. Oh no. No. No. No. She will undoubtedly be witness to nude art modeling if she attends an art school after high school as she wishes to do. BFD. Why did an arts magnet sensor the display of its student's art. C'mon people. This summer her school did stand up against the school district, however, and allow students to put on a play that the district thought was too risquè for promoting alternative lifestyles. The school presented the performance anyway itself, without the district's support. Last year my daughter was seen kissing a girl (and liking it- undoubtedly- sorry I can't say the one without the other ever again), a friend of hers, and though it is allowed in the same circumstance for a girl and a boy to kiss, the teacher attempted to shame the other girl by calling her parents and telling them, as though she was in trouble. Strangely, I was not called. I sure wanted to be. I wanted to ask that teacher if she would have behaved the same way if a boy and girl had kissed in the same location. According to my daughter, girls and boys' kissing happens all the time in the school, but this event was singled out- though they did make an announcement over the PA that students are not allowed to have sex in the library. Sheez. Life's so unfair.

Oh my, I want to pick a fight it seems. Watch out Mr. Bee, I'm coming home from work all feisty. I've got so much to say and so little time. My co-worker will be here shortly and then I shall leave the building. Sadly, I woke up with this little ditty in my head:
How much good would a good fuck fuck
If a goodfuck could fuck good?
A goodfuck would fuck all the good
That a goodfuck could
If a goodfuck could fuck good.

I'm sorry. I should not be admitting such things. Really. I'll post a poem I wrote the other day to make it up to you later. I just must post anything at all to get that damn puppy and reference to fucking appliances off the top of my blog, though I like the "spin" commenteurs put on the appliance aspect of the post. Adios.

11 comments:

Randal Graves said...

Come on, you can tell me. Who am *I* going to blab Real Analysis to?

You had me at the 'naked and has sex' part until I remembered just what our politicians often look like, i.e. Denny Hastert and not us swanky and lusty folks.

I think the next time I make the 'closing in a half-hour' announcement at work, I'll add that all sexual activities should be wrapped up soon and please clean up any body fluids, thanks.

Can you imagine a tank thong? Sexiest military vehicle on the beach. Dukakis might have won.

Comrade Kevin said...

Art school parties were always the wildest. I didn't attend, but a friend did and those were the only times in my life where I felt both understood and in my element.

I just wish I could draw.

Anonymous said...

Well, thank you, girlfriend. Now I have visions of a thonged Sarah Palin dancing to the goodfuck ditty dancing in my head.

Blueberry said...

I have a button that says "How much shit could a dipshit dip if a dipshit could dip shit?"

I bought it at Harvard Square in a gift shop, so technically I could say I went to Harvard and all I got was this lousy button.

Regarding Miss Congeniality of Wasilla Alaska, at first I thought it was the final nail in the coffin carrying McCain's campaign - now it's worrying me because he seems to have gotten a bump from it (and I'm trying to wash the imagery of that from my brain but it's not working)

enc said...

I was going to hate any running mate Bush McCain could have chosen. I don't care about her sex life, or her stupid glass of wine, or her attire, (except to say that she has really bad taste in clothes, especially those heinous stripper shoes).

What I care about is that she wants to remove all my rights.

I'm going to stop my rant here, because my blood is already boiling.

La Belette Rouge said...

I have the same reaction as both Dcup and ENC. I have horrible visions of the g-string wearing Palin hunting for karaboo while wearing stripper heels all while trying to conspire against the women's right to choose.

Random side note: Frieda I have 19 sessions at Yoga-yoga in Austin that I will never use. Do you want them? IF so, I can give you my pass card and you can yoga on my behalf. All you have to do is promise to email the health and spiritual benefits you achieve.;-) No, really. Let me know.

Utah Savage said...

Palin scares me. The fact that McPalin got a bump, that she is still nursing and doesn't know what her duties will be as Veep, and that men will be putting her in a thongkini or tank thong in their brains every time she steps to the podium in her hooker heels with her milk leaking tits ahoy, Randal, this scares me.

Freida Bee said...

I shall comment more later, tons' o' homework due today (of course), but Belette, that would be so wonderfully awesomely great. I'll send you a private email this evening, love.

Freida Bee said...

Randal- Do me a favor, k? Go check out a sound recording device from yourself and record your announcement (innuendo is allowed so's you don't get fired, 'cause I knows how your job supports your blog habit)and put it as your sound clip on your blogger profile and then report back to me and you might get a prize.

Comrade- You have just (well, a week and a half ago) summarized my life's artistic theme.

DCup- And, now a year later, when it was finally disappearing, here's a reminder of Sarah Palin dancing in a tank thong™. Is the ditty something like the Benny Hill theme song? (Sorry.)

Blueberry- Argggh, you got me. I supposed I deserved that. I want know part in McCain's dirty bump in the polls. I think it's just a dead dog that someone tried to cover up with a rug in the middle of the road, anyway.

I have horrible visions of the g-string wearing Palin hunting for karaboo while wearing stripper heels all while trying to conspire against the women's right to choose.

La Belette- You are soo kinky.

Utah- men will be putting her in a thongkini or tank thong in their brains every time she steps to the podium in her hooker heels with her milk leaking tits ahoy

If she were kissing Ann Coulter while doing all of the above, you have just described the fantasy of every right wing nutjob in America. Just don't letter get her hands on your ideas. The only thing we can hope for is that she keeps her finger ont he pulse of Alaska as she stumps all around in her black turtleneck sweaters in mid-September.

Freida Bee said...

My word, was I tying with my subconscious or what...

know= no.

letter= let her.

Freida Bee said...

uhhh, typing

arggh