9/30/08

Does Sarah Palin Remind Anyone Else...

... of her?



The right answer was because of mind birth control.

Update: McCain has announced that Miss Teen South Carolina is his pick for Secretary of Education!



Let the Palinoscopies begin!

9/27/08

Who Do You Want Me To Be To Make You Sleep With Me?

Now that I am effectively down to three readers, I figure I have cultivated the perfect environment of intimacy to do one of my 'lil diaretic ramblings without too much attention from the paparazzi. I know those of you who are still reading even when I haven't been posting lately are really searching to satisfy your baser needs, searching for the terms Corduroy Fetish, Hall and Oates and What to do When Your Sex Life is Stale (Please leave your findings in comments), but I do feel a tad bit of an urge to write and figure I'll go with it, even if I don't have much to say.

This past week was a week from hell school-wise, but not nearly as bad as semesters past. While I have a very paltry percentage in Real Analysis, my other classes are going quite well and, most importantly, five of the fifteen weeks of my last semester of classes (provided I don't have to retake RA) have passed and that's what I really care about at this point. I am having to write for school quite a bit, but it is nearly exclusively in the form of proofs, lesson plans, and textbook analyses. I will admit right here and now and shout it out to the world that I HAVE BECOME A CONCEPT MAP ADDICT. It's true. You will no longer get posts from me that include my lists of things to do. I have installed a cmap tool, learned how to export it as a pdf and the rest is categorizeable history in the making, as I have only begun to explore the different cmap styles.

Recently, we got a very cute, tiny all-black cat named Applesauce (I thank the family of The Future President's friend for not naming it a people name- my biggest pet peeve, besides those gorily long, drawn-out, run-on sentences within which would-be writers like to delude themselves into thinking they can actually maintain anything akin to grammatical precision). She is super cute and snuggly, but I've been too busy to take a picture of her. Sorry for the deprivation. There's no food in the fridge I'm sorry to inform, as well.

There is a lot going on that I could tell you all about, but I'm really not up to getting into all that right now. I'd really rather we just sit here together. I'm so deperate for that kind of time that twice this week The Lip Model and I snuggled on the couch and roared with laughter as we watched George Bush and then John McCain spout off their bs. I realize that 700 billion dollars and complete cluelessnesses are not really humorous, but it's all the entertanment we had, so give us breaks please.

I got sad today when I read that Paul Newman died. I recall his being one of the first men I thought handsome and credit him individually for the success of Whole Foods and organics in the marketplace (given that his were some of the first natural products that mainstream grocery chains successfully sold on their shelves). We can thank him for the fact that WalMart now sells their own organic soymilk in nasty plastic jugs and perhaps for the fact that the main cafeteria in the UT dorm that's so big it has its own zip code is going green. Maybe we should really thank Al Gore for that, but either way they are about to be using all biodegradeable products and that is the type of activity I am capable of getting excited about these days.

The readings I have to do this semester are the types of readings I like to do on my own, and that is really neat. We've read Plastic Ocean and Cooking for Eggheads for one of my classes and my Project Based Instruction partner and I are going to use an excerpt from How to Lie with Statistics and a related activity in the probability unit we are designing, the end result of which we intend to be nothing less than students' convincing the Austin school district (with math!) to change out every toilet in the district with a water-saving variety. I'll fill you in when we get it all going, but for now, it's just this... complaining.

The Austin City Limits Music Festival is going on right now and here I am at work. The Lip Model invited me to paint out of doors with her and here I am at work. I am looking forward to the debate viewing party that my above mentioned partner and I are going to have to laugh at Sarah Palin this coming Thursday. It will be hilarious, I know. I can hardly wait.

I was a little disappointed in Obama's violent stances last night, but am psyched about the good head he has on his shoulders. Is it really legal to state on national television one's intention to assassinate an individual? He probably has a better grasp on the law than I do, but I woulda figured someone would have told George Bush that all these years to avoid his going around using the euphemism "bring them to justice." I'm getting kinda tired of John McCain and Sarah Palin speaking in rhetorical jargon it seems to me, but TLM and I howled the most at John McCain's saying that one doesn't just state on TV what they're going to do strategically, or was that tactically? I keep hoping that Obama is trying to reign in his liberalism in order to get elected. I suspect it sometimes; his awareness lends toward it, but his jadedness in areas Republicans tend to think of as naïveté is probably to the Democrats' advantage right now. I just hope he doesn't pull a Nancy Pelosi once in office.

I wish I had something relatively interesting to end with here.

How's about the country song Mr. Bee and I writ on the telefono this morn:

Got lotion in my eye.
It kinda made me cry.
Paul Newman died yesterday
And I'm tired.

Too much coffee's got me wound.
That's when you know I'm bound
To cry jes' like a man.
(Uh, something real profound.)

Let's see.... For you who googled What to do When Your Sex Life is Stale, I hope these give you an idea or three.


The Tourist Attraction


The Physical Therapist


The Pinball Wizard (All from Super Deluxe)

If those don't work for you, you might try this line, which is a modern variation on the obvious, "How's about this $700,000,000,000 bailout we're having?" (That should really get the juices flowing.) You can thank me in comments. Be sure to report your successes.

9/21/08

A Wonderful Use of My Time and Yours

From the wise words of the immortal Randal
"Praise be unto thee, lovely ladies of the internets.

But also a curse upon thy souls! for verily have I submitted such chicanery, with slightly different verses, long, long ago, and now I must concoct yet one more delectable cauldron of lies.

Trust me, if I didn't make shit up, you'd all be snoozing by now.
"

I suppose payback has not died, so I will do this one once again. I won't even read over the old one and then archaeoligists of the future can do a scientific exploration to see what stayed the same and what has changed in these last four months.

1. Where was I ten years ago?
Barefoot and pregnant, I was a single mom with two daughters who was pregnant after fuckin' her sweet four-years-her-junior feller. I was actually quite devastated. The relationship was not sustainable. There was a lot of drinkin' and druggin' going on in my life in those days and this savory gentledude fit into my wild single mom "the kids are with their dad" weekends. Actually, I fit into his lifestyle then, but my responsibilities increased and I agonized over what a hardship it was for me and the reality that he was not going to be a help in that. I had dreamt that I had invited The Genius into my life to take care of him and became very emotionally attached to him early on in my pregnancy and was facing the pain of feeling trapped by my decisions, but was unwilling to change my mind. I still cherish that dream and have felt every second of his life that I wanted him as a result of it, no matter how difficult things were. It ends up that staying with Mr. Bee who later only stayed with me at times because of his closeness to The Genius is the hardest thing I've ever done, but boy have those challenges paid off ten million fold.

2. What was is on my ToDo list today?

This is my actual list:

Real Analysis: Homework, Concept Map, Each proof we've covered written out, Schedule/ Prepare for my next presentation.

Geometry: Homework, Write each proof to review for test Friday.

Reading for Content: Read "Cooking for Eggheads," Record Pascal reading passage (copy passage at school tomorrow).

PBI: Assessment Assignment(?), Schedule observation (email), Blanton this Friday, Lesson Plans, Concept Map, Group Contract, Form(?).

Money List
Concept Map/ Outline Memoir
Grocery List for tomorrow
Blog
House List
This weeks's schedule/ to do.

3. What would I do if I were a billionaire?
Buy a house. Buy land. Write a book. Get off the grid. Travel. Start environmental/ kids/ sustainable farming foundations. Have stress over having so much money. Move to another country. Go to the dentist. Buy my kids stuff I couldn't before (in a conscientious manner), send $20,000 to Planned Parenthood in Sarah Palin's name. Buy an electric car. Help my kids set up their life dreams. Buy Mr. Bee a recording studio and awesome Rickenbacker Vintage Bass. See lots of concerts. Build a library of used books in my home. Buy more land to preserve. Buy more land to farm. Dress fashionably. Pay a trainer to kick my ass into shape. Buy all organic foods and cook my ass off all the time in my f'awesome kitchen. Go on a fuckfest vacation with Mr. Bee. Start an alternative school that's free to attend. Pimp out my inlaws' lives. Build Mr. Bee a Workshop. Visit my parents without them having to pay for it. Say yes to my kids when they bring home those book orders. Get some cool artist to paint me naked (with his tongue...). Buy a video camera. Quit my job. Go skiing with my family while snow still exists. Go ahead and graduate next May, just this once. Adopt a few not baby children. Buy out Hooters and make each location a health food restaurant. Buy a few new computers. Pursue Mr. Bee's and my's having time to have a female lover together and treat her fine. Help Cindy Sheehan get elected to Congress. Have a big blogger party and get ya'll there. Definitely, feed a bunch of people for a long time and pimp some people in villages somewhere out with solar panels and health centers. Stay in therapy for a long time. Spend a year building a house in Canada with Mr. Bee with our bare hands (and some tools). Get lots of: massages, accupuncture, art lessons. Fund global warming, bio-research. Can I buy time? It looks like I'm gonna need some.

4. Five places I've lived:
Ft. Smith, AR
Austin, TX
Philadelphia, PA
Arlington, TX
Omaha, NE

5. Bad habits:
Sleeping too little.
Being 5 minutes late.
Trying to do "it all" myself.
Thinking things would be better if....
Making Assumptions (like that this heading said to name 5 bad habits.)

Despite the risk of seeming lazy, I'm not going to tag anyone on this one, but certainly play along if you wish.

9/17/08

My PoliQ

This is a questionnaire devised by one of the most devious brilliant minds of our time, Katie Schwartz of All the Way From Oy to Vey and my cohort in the Dear Thyroid blog project. (It only took me a year to get to it, love. At least the election's not over yet.)

She asked:

What is your name (nickname, whatever you're comfortable sharing), your age (range), gender, occupation, income bracket (range), how you identify (gay/straight/whatever)? Married/Single/Divorced? Kids (how many)?
My alter-ego es Freida Commitment Bee. I am mostly female and 38 years old. I am probably technically poor considering the fact that I am a full-time student with four kids (The Lip Model- 15.6, The Future President-13, The Genius-9, and Snaggletooth- 6), but I have a partner with a moderate income, receive grants and loans from tha gubment and have a cush part-time job where I am able to study (and blog), so I wouldn't call myself poor. I've been in much more dire straights. I was a single mother for 6 years and know which organic grocers in Austin will set out their refuse produce for folks to nab at the end of the day. These days I'm just in debt (but, off the credit card sauce, at least).

I am very bi-sexual. My partner is male and I utilize my blog to frequently vent frustrations about not being in a three-way marriage, even though I've never tried to be or anything.... My kids each have a different biological father, but I co-parent with the ex-Mr. Bee (who I married and then divorced) and the current Mr. Bee (who I have shacked up with for these past nearly ten years). Surely, that's more than too much information. We aim to please, when we feel like it. (Just don't ask me who “we” is..., or who “they” are for that matter.)
What are the most important issues to you in this presidential election and why?
The Environment- Seriously folks, without a place to live, does the rest of this matter? I have had my thyroid gland removed because of a tumor (goiter), all of my biological grandparents and my mother have had cancer, and my mother has a rare hereditary immunological deficiency disease. I suffer from anxiety attacks brought on by chemical exposures. Can we just be organic please? Consequently, I know a good deal about organic pest control and gardening techniques, herbal medicine and nutrition and do my darnedest to implement those techniques in my own life.

I have essentially lucked into renting a “green” house with solar panels and some other lovely features on five acres of land too far outside of Austin city proper to use buses and wish wish wish I could drive a car which did not use fossil fuels, so I wouldn't feel like a complete loser every time I go somewhere. Let's develop some alternative energy sources (besides nuclear), please.

Healthcare- I need me some. My husband needs some. My mother needs some. I think it's a human right. Ironically, my sons have CHIP (Children's Health Insurance Program) here in Texas, which George W. Chimpy helped get going. It's pretty darned good, ya'll. I think if we adjusted our priorities, we might find that we could actually be in better financial health as a nation if we implemented a not-for-profit universal healthcare system. Oh, and adressed the following...

End the War- Yesterday. Try Bush, et. al for crimes against humanity, please. I think killing is wrong. (Plus, quick look over at the counter over there in the sidebar. We've paid and gone into debt $555 billion to do this murdering.)

Eliminate the Death Penalty- I think trying to enforce a law that says not to kill with killing is downright moronic and inhumane.

Preserve a Woman's Right to Choose Whether or Not She Has a Child- My mother had me when she was 17 and did not have such a choice. I was not wanted by my father and my mother had to drop out of high school and marry the asshole who was physically abusive to her (and me to a lesser extent) for years. While I am most certainly glad to be alive, I cannot say I'm altogether happy about it because I have suffered from PTSD for years. I consider being in a home with violence as a child abuse, and think that abortion does more good than harm overall. Plus, I think it's a moral/ religious issue and thusly makes it a decision that one person cannot make for another.

I also think that the prospect that I (or my daughters) might be raped and forced to have a rapist's baby cruel.

I would also hope that stem cell research could be advanced, as I think it likely has the potential to cure some of the environmental ails we are bringing on ourselves.

While I know there are other very important issues. These seem to be the ones I am most passionate about.
Why do you think voters should vote for Obama/Biden, what differentiates this ticket from McCain/Palin?
Ok, now here is a question that, like the others, I will answer with my honest opinion. Chances are that the end result of the election of one candidate may not be much different than the election of the other. Obama is no Dennis Kucinich, granted. I have heard Obama state he may be in favor of war, would support universal health care for children, but not necessarily adults, and will back civil unions, but not gay marriage per se. I think we will have a Democratic Congress slightly less stifled. I'm not very confident Democrats will pursue legal action regarding the war crimes the current administration are waging. Idealogicaly, I am really a Green Party sympathizer, a socialist. There, I said it, and so, when I say what follows, I will say it with full knowledge of the reality of the situation. A Green Party candidate will not win the upcoming election. I'm not sure if not enough was done between elections, or if we're going to have to face complete and utter collapse for people to come to their senses, but we've either got McCain and Obama. Period.

So, I am in one sense, voting for Obama as the lesser of two evils, but it is a little easier for me to do than my saying that might imply. Though I do not know him personally, I like the guy. Mainly, I think his communication styles reflect an awareness many folks in politics simply don't have. He speaks with respect, he will advance the issue of respecting all peoples no matter what their color, and I very much think he is a candidate about which the youth of our country are excited to become President.

I do think we should resist the path we are currently on, but I also think it will take more time than we have between now and November to uproot. What do I think needs uprooting? Corruption, greed, destruction, racism, anti-environmentalism. Corporate rule, basically. I do not think that the John McCain camp will do one bit to improve the situation. I get mixed feelings about all this, because a very impulsive part of me thinks that it is possible that if we elected McCain and went further down the tubes (which we would), then it might be our shortest path to revolution. In my older age, though, I have gotten soft and I'd rather not see people suffer. I'd rather see us heed Dennis Kucinich's wake up call to America intentionally. I could go on and on about this, but this sums up my views here adequately. I voted for Nader in 2000. I'm voting for Obama this time.
If McCain/Palin wins this election, where do you see our country going in the next four years?
Oops, I think I just answered this. Down the tubes. Directly. Do not pass go. Do not pick up your $200 stimulus bribe check.
Economically, where do you think this country is today and how do you think Obama/Biden can make a positive impact?
Uh, the rich are getting richer. The poor are getting poorer. In the future I don't things will be vastly different than they are now for a long time. I think there is a chance that a little of the corruption can be undone. I think it will take a century to undo the damage done and bring economic equality to all people (and, don't tell me I'm cynical, 'cause that's the most idealistic bullshit you'll hear anywhere). I think our economy is a false front for our trade system which should be centered on our basic survial needs as humans rather than consumption. Will we have the resources we need to live on this planet? That is the question. I'm pretty sure Obama will appoint Gore to a cabinet post and I know from reading Earth in the Balance and Diet For a New America that we need to seriously revamp our farming practices if we are even going to be able to grow food in the future. I am hoping that some very funadamental changes to our economy such as this occur. Change our economy from being a military-based industrial complex to a sustainable survial-based economy. I think that's a lot to expect from Obama and Biden, but I think it is what we as consumers with our dollars have to demand. How many times do I have to say this? If we want WalMart to go our of business, we shouldn't shop there. If we want oil companies to go out of business, don't buy their products. Easier said than done, granted, but the trend is there and it's irreversible, in my opinion.
In the past 8-years, how do you think this country has changed under the Bush regime? Have you been affected by these changes? If so, in what ways?
I think Bush is just the face of what America has been becoming for some time, a symbol of capitalism run amuck. I do think he should face the legal consequences for the crimes he has committed, which among other things includes all 1,250,000+ cases of murder for the illegal war he is continuing. In these past 8 years, my desire to live in a foreign country has deepened, though I am pretty sure I will stay in the US. I have greater concern for my children's futures, but I also think that his regime has done the thing I think McCain's would do, advance the fall of corruption. Inhumanity and inequity, raping the earth and her peoples are simply not sustainable practices. They cannot be continued indefinitely. I just hope he doesn't take the entire lot of humanity, or me or my children or those I care about or billions of innocents down with him. He is. I know.
I have read that Palin is considered the new voice of feminism, which is offensive in my opinion. Of equal concern are her views on abortion and the removal of books from libraries. I'd like to know what you think about all of that and how you feel about McCain choosing Palin as a running mate. And what kind of message you think that sends to women?
I mentioned this earlier, but particular to this question, I think his choosing her is demeaning to women. It seems like he thinks that we (women) are so stupid that we won't know the difference between Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin. It is the sexist version of the provebial racist view that all people of color look alike. I think that Palin will appeal to the same base that George W. Bush appealed to in '04 and that if we are complacent here as voters, McCain/ Palin could swindle their way into this one too. In that case, I shall be shouting "¡Viva la Revolución!" (I'd rather just get a hybrid car and teach math though, folks.)

I seriously want to thank Katie for asking me these excellent questions and you for reading them, or at least pretending to. I have seen some wonderful answers around on blogs and invite you to answer these same questions on your blog as well. (Be sure to let Katie know you did.)

9/13/08

Pienso que Seamos Artsy y Spicy y una Cosa y una Otra Cosa

Over a week ago a blogger I recently discovered, DivaJood, handed me esta concesión, El Arte y Pico. I got a few of my blog priorities mixed up, didn't post much this past week, and then a thing and a thing and the next thing I knew, DivaJood was reminding me that with pleasure sometimes there's responsibility. It seems she used her superbadassmojo™ to remind me to write this post... in a dream.

So, there I was. My current mind went back into my eighteen year-old body. In retrospect, I can admit that is like the "dream" scenario, more wits and a teenage body. But, I was interacting with my mother and having a bunch of "Aha" moments re: how I turned out like I did. I was able to not react to being treated disrespectfully with disrespect, but that didn't really make it any less annoying. At some point I saw it, the album, "Journeys with Jood" and I told the possessor of this album that, "I didn't know DivaJood had an album and was famous like that." Then some guys were looking at my laptop and I was worried that they were going to open it and accidentally get on the internets, which would have violated the Prime Directive as Al Gore had not yet invented the internets back then. My cat was there and I realized I missed her and she was the only one besides me who knew that she had already died and I had traveled back in time, so we were able to have that moment together and it was all good... until I tried to meet my husband where the Half Price Books is (but, not really) and then there was some other stuff and some other stuff and I realized that I've been thinking all these years that my husband's not "The One" because I had that dream back then of "The One" and they didn't match up to me, but in the dream by the new Star Trek physics, it all made sense: I had to write this post.

Alrighty then:

1) You have to pick 5 blogs that you feel deserve this award fort their creativity, design, interesting material, and also contributes to the blogger community, irregardless of language.

Or what? Alrighty then...

1. Jess Wundren es una hot tamale y have you seen su posts de los Santos de los dias? ¡Quichimama! And, who ever said politicos non son Artsy y Spicy?

2. Übermilf es una hot mamasita y no Arte y Pica observaciones de ignorance get past her. Solo pregunta sus vecinos.

3. Not only es La Lass Artsy y Spicy y covered in 11 herbs and spices, she's actually my 3-D friend in real life after we met through teh blogs. For reals. Have you seen what a chimp can do if left alone at a typewriter? It's gorgeous.

4. Tits McGee, can we just be Arte y Pica trophy wives for a day?

5. GETkristiLOVE was a faaaar better VPILF candidate than Sarah Palin can ever hope to be. Does Sarah Palin put the "Ho" in "HockyMom? Well kinda, but not in a good way like GkL. Plus, GkL is a badass nature lover and nature is the original Artsy y Spicy. Have you ever really considered a jalapeño art? You should. And, GkL is even spicier than that.

2) Each award has to have the name of the author and also a link to her blog to be visited by everyone.

You hear that? You're the everyone.

3) Each award-winner has to show the award and put the name and link to the blog that has given her the award itself.

You're so bossy.

4) The award winner and the one who has given the prize have to show the link to "Arte y Pico" blog, so everyone will know the origin of this award.

Ok. Arte y Pico

5) Show these rules.

Only if I can say, "This awards ceremony was brought to you by the cruel makers of Spanglish™."

Alrighty then.

Some Hurricane Highlights

I can't really offer any, because it's not even going to rain here in Austin, but I did want to make light of a few AP photos and mention to the fine people of Galveston, Corpus Christi, Houston, and surrounding areas that I hope you're safe and damage is minimal (I know it's not and you probably don't even have electricity to even be on the internet or read my blog in the first place, but I do hope you're safe.) before I mock these pics....

What's that thing your grandmother was always saying about clean underwear? You never know when a photo journalist will take a picture of you in your finest hour and blast it all over the internets. (At least you've got good legs....)



Glad to see the Bush Hurricane Readiness Plan is working.



"Where the hell's mah goddamned mail?"



This one's just to piss off my parents.



"We regret to inform you that due to Hurricane Ike, the November elections have been canceled. We're doing our best to get your power up and running, so you can get back to your TVs. Then, we'll tell you what John McCain thinks you should do next."

9/11/08

The World According to (a) Garb(led) (Mind)

At this moment I am resisting the urge to hit my head against a wall. You know how I do that thing where I talk a million miles an hour in writing and if I hurry in attempting to express the multitude of things simultaneously occurring to me in one moment, I can sometimes get close and make some connections, at least in my own head? Well, that doesn't work so well when you are trying to present proofs to your professor who has now deemed you in need of extra office time. It's true. Most dangerously, I thought I has some big little concepts down pat in my head and they're not, apparently. Actually, what it is is that I have all of the elements of understanding there (as I am told- and I can sense that), but I am having a hard time putting them together and expressing them, logically, and line by line.

Indisputably, improving on this will help me do what is absolutely essential in writing a memoir, the previous effort of which I have ditched at this point, writing an outline, or, more pcly, a concept map. The likeness is nearly unbearable. Here, I am also a sloppy lady with too much on her plate, sweating as you, my ultra fine Italian professor, look on in acceptance, but with a little concern. "You are going to have to try a little harder to win me over," you say. "I can see that something is there, and it might be easy for you to think that I have my shit together, but I am also just a person, but one who has gone through what you are going through... to a certain extent." Yes, maybe I made things more difficult than you did, or I try to complicate them more, in a vain attempt to bolster my ego in thinking that the end result will be more rich, but I can tell you that though I let out a little whoop in the shower (ok, not really. Ok, really), that I am 1/4 though my last semester of classes in getting a friggin' math degree from UT Austin, I still feel like an idiot in math right now and need to slow down and sink into this moment because an infinitude separates me from the end right now.

And there is also a guy, a very nice guy, who I'd love to think I have talent in writing, because that is something I don't get to hear in school (I like to think that's because so little of it is asked of me... though that may not exactly be true). I am in this content-area reading class that basically aims at teaching me to understand where I need to and can bridge the gaps between math content-> textbooks-> students, in an attempt to help teens achieve real literacy in my chosen content field. Firstly, recognizing there are gaps is important. Secondly, recognizing what they are is critical, and then knowing how they might be minimized might be possible. Jesus H. Christ on a stick, my teacher said that writing, as I like to do, which he called journaling, because I decided not to say I put that shit out for everyone to see in blog form, is not an interactive experience. WTF? But, there are comments. What do you mean that expressing myself here in written form, sometimes even with a quirky or fuzzy picture is not the same?

Crap, I have counted on that being the case. Even in counseling, I am getting these things. I need to work on getting the whirling dervish in my skull to enunciate its thoughts a little more succintly in 3-D scenarios. I mean, if we could get a little telepathy around here, maybe I could express my thoughts to you in some further abstractions and you could grok it all without nitpicking over who said what or what does it mean, blah fucking blah. This is occurring for me in the physical realm also. Mr. Bee and I have been working hard around our house to eliminate a little clutter, to free up a little space and time, to take things a little slower, to allow details to not be overlooked and then neglected, particularly those we will later say of, "Where the fuck did that go?"

"I'm doing it here," you say? I'm talking in abstractions and expecting you to understand what I mean without being specific. When a pattern is pervasive, is that really necessary? Oops, I forgot what I learned about twelve years ago, in San Francisco with my former roommate and best friend who I co-parented with for 2 years as we traveled around in that Subaru station wagon with our combined three children when we were drinking whiskey late that one night, that when I keep things abstract, I keep them at a distance. What did she call that? Oh, yea pretentiousness. Maybe I can convince 6th graders I understand the fundamentals of math, but if I try and articulate these thoughts to a mentor or some sort, it might become apparent that my mind is a big pile of gloopity glop that needs sorting.

Shit, I need to meditate.

You know, I could go on and on and on forever, but I just needed to get a little of this off my proverbial chest before I go back to looking at slew of symbols and try to say what it means to say if this and this, then this.

Don't worry, even I don't understand what I just said. It is a feeble attempt to express an abstract feeling of frustration re: understanding and communication I am having at this moment.

Yes, I understand that a normal person might just say, "Right now, I am experiencing frustration over not understanding my homework, which has been complicated by my only giving myself a small amount of time in which to do it, because I have a family and all the other normal stuff that everyone else has." Just as this post might be said to be a random sputtering out of junk, because in my attempt to hurry I am taking shortcuts that make it all take longer in the end, maybe I could just stop and focus more clearly on what it is that I am trying to say.

Aw, shit, since I cannot paint here in the library which might be the perfect medium through which to express myself right now, I'll finish that poem I started the other day. Where's that piece of paper...?
I lit a fire (4)
Meant to inspire, (4)
But it engulfed me in its flames. (8)

Charred and alone, (4)
I'm going home, (4)
But I will never be the same. (8)

I miss my spark; (4)
"Life is too stark," (4)
I like to whine and then complain. (8)

I'd ask you here, (4)
But then I'd fear (4)
It would also drive you insane. (8)

(Deep breath.)

Alright. I've found my head. Now, where did I put that wall...?

9/9/08

Has Our Sex Life Gotten a Little Stale?

Maybe we need to try some new ...Positions of the Day.


The T-Rex?


The Back Scratcher?


The Streaky Mirror?

Why not try all three?

And, for those of you Googling "Slutty Housewife" or "Sarah Palin Fucking," you're welcome.

9/7/08

Sarah Palin is Easy*

Too easy. That's the problem. I have not been watching the Dog and Donkey Fuck Show on my Tell-Me-What-To-Think Viewer this past week. I haven't even been able to blog much, but I have seen headlines. I have gone back and watched a few videos online. I do care and I do think, and I am nervous. Sarah Palin is The Answer (spoken by an angelic chorus of voices, of course) for John McCain, for the Republican Party, that political strategists have come up with. Why? Because she's easy.

Women do not have to think too hard to know that even if she's not a politically progressive woman, she is a mother and she's got a cunt that she obviously uses. I'm not saying it's any of my business what goes on in her obviously procreatively prolific bedroom (and I'm not even one to talk there, really), but rather that she is a fantasy in the flesh. She's too easy, proof that women can almost win beauty pageants, have babies and be VP's, a classic "Bring-Home-The-Bacon-Fry-It-Up-In-A-Pan" icon. But, is she?

People can vote for her and McCain, and feel as though they are doing their part to promote women. Hey, sexism is propogated by women too, you know. I don't even claim to be above it. How could I be? That's what it means for it to be ingrained. Palin has confidence, charisma, and foibles like us. I know that it always reassures me when I see someone I had elevated in my mind in some regard brought down to my level. For instance, this week, we needed to talk to our next-door neighbors, who out in the country here, live in a house I have never gotten more than a distant glimpse of. As I scrambled to do the dishes while Mr. Bee ran next-door, in the event that Mr. Neighbor came over and saw what slobs we and our four children are, Mr. Bee was getting the inside scoop. He came back and told me that we should never think such things, that their house was ten times more clutttered than ours (which says a lot). I did not judge them. I was relieved. We even have a joke now that we're going to give people directions to their house "on accident" so that when they eventually arrive to ours, our carport will, in contrast, appear to be the epitome of organization. (Uhh, we're lame and mean like that.)

I know it puts my mom's mind at ease as a college professor to see that the students in her classes are just as fucked up as her own kids (kinda). She doesn't feel so bad. Isn't that what we're taking from the whole todo about Mrs. Palin's daughter being pregnant? She's just normal, which means she's fucked up like the rest of us. People are suckin' that shit up. How can Obama represent me? I didn't go to Harvard (on the outside). I'm not black (on the outside). I'm not a man (on the outside). This is America, home of macaroni and cheese, which I just saw in stores blasphemously comes in a whole-grain variety. We like convenience. We like easy.

I don't mean easy in an earthgirls kinda way, you know. I don't mean easy like me, or easy like abortion. I don't even mean easy like a summer morning, though that might be close. I mean easy in a dogmatic way. I can certainly understand the convenience of having personal, religious, and political policies. They simplify things. When dealt with an unexpected circumstance, we know what we're going to do. We're going to follow our rule. Dogma gives comfort to those weary (of thinking). Dogma gives simplicity. Hell, that's why I'm sober. I might have a richer life in some ways if I got drunk and went to more parties and tasted fine wines and got up more nerve to be having the steamy threeways I fantasize about having, but honestly, at the end of the day, all that comes with the hangovers, the disconcerting emotions, the compulsions, the DUI's, the costs, the cirrhotic livers just isn't worth it... to me. Being sober is just simpler. I gave up on trying to have my life be so complex. Religion offers people that option too.

For gawd sake, I named one of my children Pascal. I must mention Pascal's wager. Isn't that the whole crux of Pascal's very logical argument? We cannot possible know whether or not there is a God. We're people for fuck's sake (I'm pretty sure that's how it's worded, too). Why go to the trouble of worrying about it all the fucking time and just gamble on the side of God, 'cause if there's not one, what have you got to lose? Those are the choices people make that make us human. What are we wiling to do to have peace? What brings us peace? Blah fucking blah. We all do it is all I'm saying, just in different ways. It might be more PC to avoid complicating one's life by killing someone drinking and driving, or being in a porno flick, or being on The Jerry Springer Show, but to act like one is better than the other is utter bs.

This is (barring the election fraud we all know exists) a democracy, and what that means is majority rules. The half of the Americans polled who are Republicans think that it is easier on one's conscious to avoid the guilt of abortions later even if it restricts one's right to choose, to risk the possible injustices of the death penalty to have it as a deterrent tool, to have cheap gas to get to work, even if its source is finite and harm is coming of it. Things function. The half of the Americans polled who call themselves Democrats think it is easier on one's conscious to deal with our environmental challenges now rather than letting them pile up to be dealt with in the future, think that it's easier to just provide everyone with health insurance and avoid the complications it is causing for some to be covered and some not to be and just pay for it how we can. Some Democrats think that, though they want real change, it is easier to just go through the channels of power already in place to make it happen.

I do know people who do not vote. If none of the candiates in an election don't appeal to them, they don't vote. What would happen if no one voted? We all know what would happen if no one shoppped at Wal-Mart. It would go out of business. What if no one, and I do mean no one, paid taxes. The government would go out of business. 63.8% of people eligible to vote voted in the last election. That's less than 2/3. We all seem to acknowledge that if everyone voted, the election's outcome would be quite different. What is it going to take to change things around here? If the US had such a poor election turn-out that it was not seen as democratically viable on an international level, would other countries just dismiss whatever regime says it's in charge as being rogue? Isn't that what our government does in such a case?

I don't profess to have answers. I just like to ask questions. I didn't post too much this last week because I was actually quite engaged with my homework and family tasks. I am taking a doosie of a math course and spent several hours proof-writing, which is what all my homework consists of for one class. I actually felt like a mathematician at some point when, after a few hours of reading and trying logical approach after logical approach to come to seemingly simple solutions, I figured it out. What I can say from that is that it is far easier to make things complicated than it is to make things simple, at least for me.

I was (to oxymoronically use the word) blessed to have a mother who was agnostic or atheist or something that has never exactly been shared with me. I voluntarily went to a Presbyterian church in my youth and got some good stuff out of it. I have enjoyed reading about other religions as well, Buddhism, perhaps, being my favorite. I like to look for similar strands of thought that permeate several theories and find the commonalities. There's that Do-Unto-Others crap, and that Stay-In-The-Moment thing. Those are simple philosophies I can embrace. Actually, they are so simple, I do not always find them easy to embrace, but definitely worth the effort when I am able to ge there.

This here America is bordering on being a Christian nation, folks. That might be easier in some ways for some people. Don't get me wrong, I think Jesus was probably a cool cat I would have smoked pot with back in the day, but seeing as my mother did not even see it fit to impose her spiritual beliefs on me, I'll be damned if I want Sarah Palin to be mandated to do such a thing through her implied future policies: let's just end this abortion debate and quit talking about it; let's not worry about foreign oil when we can just use our own (rather than develop green technologies which are not needed to combat not-human-caused global warning); let's not talk about my personal/ moral life, but rather the hypothetical, hypocritical moral environment of the entire nation; let us not start over with a new policy in the Middle East that might take longer and be more complicated when we've already started on this course, imperfect though it may be; and, of course, let us not question the corporations who pull the strings and control our access to their products and services. That could be messy. Especially, let us not teach teens that sex, being a very natural physical act, is a basic human right, though it has some important responsibilities to heed.

This reminds me of the debate we are having in my Project Based Learning class these days, one I have to lead a discussion on tomorrow, in fact. How messy should learning be? How focused should learning be? How dictated should learning be? How much autonomy should be granted? As a future teacher, these are the powers I will have over a child's life for the 4.5 hours a week he or she is in my classroom. With that power comes a great responsibility. These children will unknowingly be counting on me (thankfully not by myself) to teach them what they need to know to be successful and happy adults (at least mathematically). If I choose to develop policies and never change them to accomodate reality because it's easier that way, I will be remiss in my job (h/t to The Aristocrats).

What we have in Sarah Palin is a politician who, very much like George Bush himself, is very simple and real and flawed and too comfortably so. She's way too easy. She's easier than McCain himself, who shows in his choice of her as a running mate that these are the easy sorts of decisions he's going to make. We all know he wanted Lieberman. He took the easy way. I'm not saying Obama didn't, or isn't doing the same thing in his choices. We all know where Kucinich's high road took him. We all know where Nader's is too. Maybe the best thing would be for us to follow them there. Maybe we can squeeze a third, more progressive, party into the political system we already have. We all know it needs to change and it seems there are many ideas in the world about how to do that. But, don't make me get all Probability- Ninja- Like on you, 'cause you already know I'm busy and you already know Nader and McKinney can't win in this election. It's wrong, but it's true. For me, voting for Obama in November is not the easiest thing for me to do, but it is the simplest right now, the one that makes most sense to me, and I seriously hope that many would-be progressive voters, who know exactly how fucked up this whole pile of shit is, will take to heart that Sarah Palin will be the president within the next four years if Obama is not elected (again... the odds).

It's really that simple. It could happen way too easily.

(*H/T to the brilliant Dr. Zaius on the pic.)

9/6/08

Good News. Bad News. Good News. News.

Holy Shit. From now on, forever and ever, amen I am starting every post I write with "Holy Shit." I so prefer it to UnHoly Shit™. I think I forgot I was a blogger for a few days there. I did dishes. I did homework. Well, I didn't sleep quite right, so there's hope yet that this is just a phase, but I must say that I sure missed you guys and my 6 hits a day tells me you feel the same. I'm touched.

I've got some good news and some bad news and some good news and some other news. First some good news. Monday, Labor Day, Mr. Bee and I celebrated my 6-year sobriety birthday getting hopped up on coffee and painting our asses off all fucking day long. I painted one of our bedroom walls #99CC33, while The Future President painted one of her walls #CCFFFF. We're calling them accent walls, but the reality is that they are the only walls of our bedrooms which are not monstrously tall, almost too tall to de-cobweb with a tall-as-shit ladder. So, accent walls it is. We got a schnazzy turquoise (##0099CC) going on in the bathroom, which is also the primary color in the boys' room along with the green. Blah. Blah. Blah. Pictures would have been better, huh? Well, I'm not at home, so....

The very bad, sad news is that in the process of the chaos and the painting, Scruffy the bunny, who has been living on the floor of my and Mr. Bee's rooms seemingly quite successfully and had been hiding in the closet most of the painting day, snuck out and ate I'm not sure how much spackling, which had fallen onto our floor covering , before I caught him eating it. I had hoped it was not much, but by the time I realized that it made him sick the next day, he was in bad shape and died while I petted him later that evening.

I feel awful.

He was such a sweet flufferbunny, and was a surrogate mom for the kitten. The Genius is very sad. I have other pet news, too. It seems the fairly old dog we "adopted/ share" ('cause she wouldn't leave two years ago and we all just went with it) from/ with our neighbors may have Cushing's Disease. We are going to get her to the vet today or Monday, but I'm not sure that we can pay for a huge surgery that may be recommended, even if we split the cost with our neighbors. In the process of talking with the neighbors we did discover that Cooper, our missing kitty, may be living in their barn. It would be great to see him. I really hope it's him.

So, Mr. Bee pulled through and assembled and built a whole wall of bookcases and cabinets in the boys' room, but some more good news is that it still leaves plenty of scrap material he's salvaged from rich peoples' houses remaining in our carport. We are not, I repeat not in danger of running out of clutter. But, that wasn't the good news; that was only the news. The other good news is also not that my laptop, in its not very thick case, fell out of my backpack yesterday as I ran to catch a bus. It is still working, but I'm ungrateful like that.

The other good news is that the short-lived, undiagnosed case of MRSA on my right arm looks like it's clearing up. It had me needlessly worried, so I've been swallowing finely chopped fresh garlic a few times a day for the last few days. I think it will also combat the earaches I've been having on and off for two weeks, thinking it's in one ear, and then it's in the other and then thinking it's gone and then it's back. This all has me whispering to my kids, "When you talk loudly, it hurts my ear," but that's mostly a lie. Even when they were quiet for that .5 nanosecond, my ear still hurt. Today, it's not hurting again. I looked up overdosing on garlic and have seen nothing about it causing some weird antibiotic resistant strain of syphilis that I'm going to get from a flea that was on a prairie dog or death from bad breath, but our kitten (who went on and got his people name- as you know I hate to see a pet have- Isaac) seems to think my breath smells bad. Since he's the only one I've been french kissing lately, we made an agreement that we would only kiss after he'd eaten his wet liver food... to be fair.

In other good news, I got to meet not just A Lass, but The Lass for coffee again yesterday, and it was jolly well fun and relaxed. This time I just wore my Tevas and we sweated and walked and sat outside and drank coffee and talked and did not have enough time and I'll agree with her that it was like meeting an old friend (and that has nothing to do with our ages, thank you very much). I thought about that this morning and figured out that the first time we met up, I was kinda nervous about how she would perceive me. I mean she had read my blog. Who knows what one takes away from this thing. It probably depends on the day. But then, that was gone yesterday and I also realized it's because... she's read my blog. I mean, it's all there, er, here. I mean c'mon, I'm more honest with my blog than I am with anybody for real. I am really appreciating having this here with you, you know, reader who just Googled "after he'd eaten his wet liver". You know me better than anyone who doesn't know me.

There's so much to say.

I think Mr. Bee has heard exactly one lecture on management because he gives it to me from time to time. It's called "The Criticism Sandwich" lecture. He essentially says that he likes to dole out criticism smugly (yeah, he doesn't use that word) wrapped in compliments because then the criticisms are easier to swallow and digest that way. For one thing, he doesn't do this. For another, I think that he's really asking me to do this, but not so I'll actually do it. He knows I won't do such a kiss ass thing, so maybe he thinks if I'm unwilling to package it all pretty, I won't serve it up at all. Thankfully, I'm no psychology major, but I will say that that up there was a "News Samwich".

You just got served.

(Ok, I know that's one of the lamest jokes I've ever told on my blog. I won't say "worst" because that's a pretty strong statement, but you know, I've got to stop

Somewhere.)

The End