A Wonderful Use of My Time and Yours

From the wise words of the immortal Randal
"Praise be unto thee, lovely ladies of the internets.

But also a curse upon thy souls! for verily have I submitted such chicanery, with slightly different verses, long, long ago, and now I must concoct yet one more delectable cauldron of lies.

Trust me, if I didn't make shit up, you'd all be snoozing by now.

I suppose payback has not died, so I will do this one once again. I won't even read over the old one and then archaeoligists of the future can do a scientific exploration to see what stayed the same and what has changed in these last four months.

1. Where was I ten years ago?
Barefoot and pregnant, I was a single mom with two daughters who was pregnant after fuckin' her sweet four-years-her-junior feller. I was actually quite devastated. The relationship was not sustainable. There was a lot of drinkin' and druggin' going on in my life in those days and this savory gentledude fit into my wild single mom "the kids are with their dad" weekends. Actually, I fit into his lifestyle then, but my responsibilities increased and I agonized over what a hardship it was for me and the reality that he was not going to be a help in that. I had dreamt that I had invited The Genius into my life to take care of him and became very emotionally attached to him early on in my pregnancy and was facing the pain of feeling trapped by my decisions, but was unwilling to change my mind. I still cherish that dream and have felt every second of his life that I wanted him as a result of it, no matter how difficult things were. It ends up that staying with Mr. Bee who later only stayed with me at times because of his closeness to The Genius is the hardest thing I've ever done, but boy have those challenges paid off ten million fold.

2. What was is on my ToDo list today?

This is my actual list:

Real Analysis: Homework, Concept Map, Each proof we've covered written out, Schedule/ Prepare for my next presentation.

Geometry: Homework, Write each proof to review for test Friday.

Reading for Content: Read "Cooking for Eggheads," Record Pascal reading passage (copy passage at school tomorrow).

PBI: Assessment Assignment(?), Schedule observation (email), Blanton this Friday, Lesson Plans, Concept Map, Group Contract, Form(?).

Money List
Concept Map/ Outline Memoir
Grocery List for tomorrow
House List
This weeks's schedule/ to do.

3. What would I do if I were a billionaire?
Buy a house. Buy land. Write a book. Get off the grid. Travel. Start environmental/ kids/ sustainable farming foundations. Have stress over having so much money. Move to another country. Go to the dentist. Buy my kids stuff I couldn't before (in a conscientious manner), send $20,000 to Planned Parenthood in Sarah Palin's name. Buy an electric car. Help my kids set up their life dreams. Buy Mr. Bee a recording studio and awesome Rickenbacker Vintage Bass. See lots of concerts. Build a library of used books in my home. Buy more land to preserve. Buy more land to farm. Dress fashionably. Pay a trainer to kick my ass into shape. Buy all organic foods and cook my ass off all the time in my f'awesome kitchen. Go on a fuckfest vacation with Mr. Bee. Start an alternative school that's free to attend. Pimp out my inlaws' lives. Build Mr. Bee a Workshop. Visit my parents without them having to pay for it. Say yes to my kids when they bring home those book orders. Get some cool artist to paint me naked (with his tongue...). Buy a video camera. Quit my job. Go skiing with my family while snow still exists. Go ahead and graduate next May, just this once. Adopt a few not baby children. Buy out Hooters and make each location a health food restaurant. Buy a few new computers. Pursue Mr. Bee's and my's having time to have a female lover together and treat her fine. Help Cindy Sheehan get elected to Congress. Have a big blogger party and get ya'll there. Definitely, feed a bunch of people for a long time and pimp some people in villages somewhere out with solar panels and health centers. Stay in therapy for a long time. Spend a year building a house in Canada with Mr. Bee with our bare hands (and some tools). Get lots of: massages, accupuncture, art lessons. Fund global warming, bio-research. Can I buy time? It looks like I'm gonna need some.

4. Five places I've lived:
Ft. Smith, AR
Austin, TX
Philadelphia, PA
Arlington, TX
Omaha, NE

5. Bad habits:
Sleeping too little.
Being 5 minutes late.
Trying to do "it all" myself.
Thinking things would be better if....
Making Assumptions (like that this heading said to name 5 bad habits.)

Despite the risk of seeming lazy, I'm not going to tag anyone on this one, but certainly play along if you wish.


GETkristiLOVE said...

> send $1000 to Planned Parenthood in Palin's name.

I like the way you think!

Freida Bee said...

GKL- Actually, while you were commenting, I was in there editing and I upped it to $20,000. (It's not my idea. I may actually make my next post about a thing some folks are doing along those lines.)

Comrade Kevin said...

I haven't done this because ten years ago I was very sick and extremely unhappy.

But it is interesting to be the voyeur and observe what other people have experience and struggled through.

Utah Savage said...

I love you. I really can't think of anything else to say. Maybe that you are nicer and more generous than I. When I did this meme, I rolled in my billions and left it to the next generation to figure out great, good things to do with it.

enc said...

You are certainly in tune with what works for you, and you're doing cool things with your life.

Lots of cool things.

La Belette Rouge said...

Can you add take a nap to your list of things to do? I am tired for you.

I love your billionaire plan--you are a woman who knows what you want. I am rooting for you. And, I will so be at that party.

Romius T. said...

If you were a billionare i think you forgot to buy romius a laptop and give him free internet access for life.

Also you forgot to say that you would be my muse and by that I mean you would start a blog like huffington post and pay all your fave bloggers to write.

uh huh.

Anonymous said...

Love your billionaire list! I know you - leaving off Romius T was simply an oversight, right?

Suzi Riot said...

Maybe if you become a half-billionaire and I become a half-billionaire, then we can complete that list together. Because it's awesome!

Bubs said...

"Buy a house. Buy land. Write a book. Get off the grid. Travel. Start environmental/ kids/ sustainable farming foundations."

Hey, whaddya know? Our lists overlap!

sid said...

Damn there are a lot of things you'd like to do if you won a billion. Do you think your money would last that long?

dguzman said...

and where's that item that should be listed under the billionaire question, the one where you say "keep dguzman in her own little birdy place near me, where she will be my sex slave"???? where is it???

Freida Bee said...

Comrade- Your voyeurism is always welcome here. I know there is a fine line between being a reader and a voyeur here, as is the one between writer and spectacle. Glad you read, Kev. And, glad you'd say things are better in your life now than they were 10 years ago.

U. Savage- And, that's why I love you. I'd realistically probably squander a good amount of a billion dollars, but, hey, then I'd have another 999 million. (Also- this post could have been entitled "Famous Last Words of Billionaires and Politicians."

ENC- Thanks for sayin', but don't let this list fool you into thinking I'd 1) Actually have the will power to do such things or 2) Do any of these things, seeing as I do not have the billion... YET. (Perhaps, the challenge to see what of this I can manage without the billion? Darn, I want the billion.)

La Belette- I look forward to meeting you there. I enjoyed writing this list like I did when I was a kid. I think it goes to show how much inflation there's been since. I used to do this with the proverbial million. You can't do anything with a mere million these days (though I'd be willing to give it a go, imaginary forces at play who'd like to prove me wrong. I dare ya.)

Romius- Oh shit. I wish I could claim credit now for thinking of that. Great idea! Would you be my Editor in charge of Lactation in the Media?

DCup- You know me well. Would you be my Editor in Charge of Tits (With Tits McGee, of course- two are needed.)

(And, tell Mathman I might need to expand upon that "treating a lover all fine thing." One can never have enough private math tutors, I always say. ;)

Suzi- YES! LET'S DO THAT! Accountability is always a good thing.

Bubs- Doesn't surprise me a bit. Darn, now I am realizing I forgot to have something in there about employing a full-time handcuff expert. (Not sure what made me just remember... ;)

Sid- I really appreciate your stopping by and commenting. You know, the rest of my plan was so practical. Maybe I'd need to get a gold calculator, huh? (In going with it... I'd hope to make some of the above self-sustaining, revenue generating endeavors. Or, you wouldn't happen to be a financial advisor, would you?)

DGuzman- I assumed that was implied, but if you need for me to spell it out, I will:

"I would also need my own personal classification expert to be on hand at all times, so that when I need her to, in any given moment, define which physical sensation (by my type of call) it is that I require."

(How's that?_

Randal Graves said...

Um, paint doesn't taste very good. If you're willing to substitute chocolate frosting, then I'm in.

That actual list is frightening.

Katie Schwartz said...

Great meem, darling. Love the donation to PP in Sarah Palin's name. Another friend did that, too (not 20K). Still, it's so damn clever, hilar and brilliant! I think every woman should donate $10 or $20 in her name.

Love what you said about the younger fellah-- I related to that pretty hard.

Wouldn't it be divine never having to worry about mooolah? I can't imagine.

M.Yu said...

Beautiful Zen garden pic.
My kind of visual entertainment...