I Blame Christmas Music!

I had 30 post titles run through my head on my way to work this morning and as I rested my hair on my pillow, but not a one is coming back to me and I am starting this a little more, ok, the same as usual, lost this morning. Ok, it's not morning. You're so picky.

In case you were worried about me and whether I stayed safe on "Black Friday" (yeah right), I am touching in to let you know that I was not crushed in the mad rush to see the teenpire classic, "Twilight." There was, however, incessant Christmas music playing while I was standing in line and I had the urge to shoot someone or run into the theater, so, being the scientist that I am, I have concluded that it is Christmas Music which is to blame for the Christmas shopping tragedies yesterday.

I did take my daughters to the mall a couple years ago the day after Thanksgiving because they were going insane and driving me even more batshit crazy than usual hounding me to take them somewhere, and, sure enough, we all caught the flu and our whole family was sick for the two weeks after.

You know, I am all in favor of flexing the immune muscles and all, but even just the air in malls makes my eyes sting. Seriously. And nobody else can seem to sense the tiny tremors that I feel when I am in parking garages and malls, though I am glad to hear that there are earthquakes in Arkansas (Google it. I'm too lazy to link it.) because I think I made one too many people think I was a little crazy feeling it.

Here is the paragraph where I complain about school. Sucks. One more week of classes. Then finals. Maybe I'll make it through.

Mr. Bee, with whom I am completely re-inlovewith after spending two days off work and school, and I were given notice by our friend/ landlord that he was regretfully going to have to move back into his house that we have been renting the past couple years because he is getting divorced. We kinda, sorta have a lease until mid-December, but have agreed that the end of January will do for us all. We are saddish about this. Mainly, we are broke as shit and were not planning on moving until next fall, and were hoping to buy a house when I start teaching then, but that's not the way sexy Jesus would have it, so here we are. I am, however, looking forward to moving back into the city. I like to take busses and the kids haven't been able to play with other kids and ride their bikes around our house very easily, though they will miss their secret fort in the woods, I know.

Mr. Bee and I have been having a very hard time, what with my being gay and all, and you all know I am, but, well, Mr. Bee is different and I am still confused and decided that it's a good thing I want to have sex with him, but am decidedly against telling everyone and his or her dog who reads this blog all about it, but suffice it to say that it's kinda extra exciting to have sex with someone after you imagined not ever again after 10 years. I don't know. Having identified as being bisexual for all these years, I was very surprised at my feelings these past couple months, but have to say, not being a huge fan of dogma, that it feels good to give myself a break and let all the old feelings return to accompany all the new ones.

I know. I know. I just about couldn't be any more vague. Let's see if I can be more specific. Here is a blip from about 2 milliseconds in my brain:

"I have thought there was something wrong with me all these years.
I am kinda different than normal.
(My internal grammar is not as good as my outer-grammar.)
I do really like women.
I do get along better with them on many levels.
Maybe this is what it means to be gay.
I kinda felt like I 'belonged' when I thought that.
I was a tomboy all growing up.
I do wear men's clothing primarily.
Was I just looking at that woman's very curvy and full legs?
Oh my god, her ass just made me tingle.
She is "my type."
I could live with a woman.
I love to do delicious things to ladies' naughty bits.
I want to do delicious things to ladies' naughty bits.
I want my face in her breasts.
But, Mr. Bee is my best friend.
We have worked so hard on everything.
We have been getting along so well.
We are family.
We have two sons together.
I don't want him to be with another woman.
Oh, I want to make his crotch swell.
Oh, I want him to be inside of me.
I wish we kissed more.
I can't be what he needs.
He doesn't want me the way I want to be wanted.
I do like to suck his cock.
We could have a threeway if we weren't so lazy and busy."

I really could go on and on, folks.

(If I pimped FluffPo to you on Twitter and you wondered who the hell's email address that was that was listed as the return address, I have no idea. It was a strange hybrid of a couple of of my addresses. I'm pretty sure Mimi has a little somesome to say, so I'll be heading over there and I had better get to work on my schoolwork here at work.)

Love, Freida

P.S. Everything wrong with the world is contained in Christmas music. You heard it here third.

P.P.S. Will you miss me when I'm gone? I'll miss you. Let's make up, k?


Randal Graves said...

Did you burn down some church, you lesbian Satanist, you?

Um, you suckers aren't going to have to live out of your car in a mall parking lot, are you?

P.S. Not all Xmas music is bad. Ever hear of The Cracker of Nuts? The cashews and Brazil nuts are delicious.

P.P.S. No, because you ain't going anywhere. Mrs. Bee, don't make me singy. You wouldn't like me when I'm singy.

Utah Savage said...

I don't want you to go anywhere either, but watching Randal go singy is tempting. Could you just pretend to go anywhere, so we could have the excitement of seeing Randal go singy?

Anonymous said...

Well, you never fail to surprise me. I got your emails and I'm trying to get acclimated to wiki!

I love you exactly the way you are.

Oh - I'm sorry to hear you'll be moving from your cool house, but back to the city sounds pretty nice. We're trying to figure our our next move, too.

Suzi Riot said...

Well, that seems like... a lot. The thing that surprises me the most the older I get is that rather than "knowing" myself better, I keep discovering new things about myself all the time. And that really pisses me off.

Good luck with everything!

Unknown said...

I was watching Moonstruck the other night and the old man cried in the movie. Why because he was confused but I am not crying even though I am confused because I agree with Billy Joel or Dcup who ever she claims: "love you the way you are."

Anonymous said...

ACK! If this had happened a few weeks ago, we could have been neighbors but the house was rented. Damn it.

geo said...

For Me - Growing up as a Messed up Insecure Jewish Boy - who didn't have friends/mentors - Christmas Music - the "Holy Knight" - s**t - not - Santa Songs - brought sad feelings into Adulthood.

The commercialism and ties - are Obvious!

Bi More! Spend Less!


Freida Bee said...

Randal- I've been meaning to ask you, "Why do you hate baby Jesus?"

Utah- Yes, I am afraid that I may have to start the campus crusade, "What will it take to get Randal to sing?" Would saving the life of a kitten do it? I'll adopt a doomed one. You already got the picture of my breasts. What more do you want? Sorry, Utah.

DCup and Mathman- I think that the universe is telling us that now is the time we've been talking about, the time to start that polygamist sect/ beinignly neglectful homeschool for snarky and talented youth. I hear it has a good math program.

Suzi- I know! I think it's life's way of tricking us to go into death willingly. Eventually, it just gets to be so much we surrender.

Oh and, Good Morning, Sunshine!

Lass- What follows is an understatement: Fuck. Fuck. Double Fuck. That's just cruel. I want to know who is responsible for timing and kick his or her ass!

Geo- I knew it! Christmas (and its music) is more detrimental to children than violent video games, marijuana, sugar, sex, rock and roll and dancing combined.

(I'm sorry, Randal- no exceptions will be made on that stance. We cannot let the bad terrorists win by excusing the few who are talented.)

Randal Graves said...

He owes me ten bucks, for starters. Okay, but you still love Saturnalia, right? Roman festivals mean nakedness and much food and drink. I ain't singing though we did bring in another stray cat.

M.Yu said...

If you need a hand just let me know.

PS. Your brain is fast and full of interesting tid bits...keep me posted

Comrade Kevin said...

Baby Jesus is crying.

Romius T. said...

hard work of setting up the threesome and mr b will love it!!