A Little Off Kilter

If you can even read my blog again, rather than just look at the dirty pictures now that I've crossed that irrevocable line (unless I remove them), you may or still may not notice a new little evil which has worked it's way into this little dirty crevice of the blogomosphere. Ads.

I knew they were a good idea for Fluff Po and I couldn't be more thrilled with the ones which magically appeared. Don't let Big Brother know I'm onto him rather than into him, however. In the spirit of some sort or another tradition, I am having an interest in becoming fully self-supporting... wait, the rest is declining all outside contributions. So really, that crap doesn't apply, because I may even do a pay pal thingy ma jig one day.

Sure, Mr. Bee and I struggle financially, but not as much as has been the case in the past. It's not like we have cable, but clearly we have the interwebs. We're rolling in it. It may be poo, but we're rolling in it none-the-less.

Every weekend lately I find myself perusing Craigslist, and while it only takes about thirty seconds to go through all the ads for other married women who want to leave their husbands and run away to the Bahamas in my backyard with me, I always manage to make my way to the roommates, rooms for rent and dead end job sections.

You see, while yesterday was the first time in many years I felt the need to let Mr. Bee know that I wanted to pull over the car and have him get out (less than a mile away from the truck his work lets him use, gas and toll fees included, 24-7) if he could not treat me with respect, it was the first time he asserted his name on the title ownership trumped mine- despite my student loans paying the last several months' car payments. Not good.

I already know that if anyone is going to move out of our lovely house with out the other, it will be me. He already called dibs on buying the house.

Now, I'd never claim to not be petty.

That one just stands on its own.

The thing I want to do, besides shoot myself in the foot, is to know personally that at any given moment, the choice to stay or go is mine. I've noticed when I have the external resources to do so, I at least feel as though I am treated better. But still, for some reason, or rather because I know myself all too well, I choose to do things like pay the family's rent for 6 months in advance rather than open a bank account and save the money there. There is increased security for me in that, on the one hand, but a vulnerability in having little other than my paltry weekend blogging security guard position income besides for several months at a time. But, at least it's not going to be able to be blown on each and every little thing we think we can't do without first. I imagine others have more self discipline and still others have credit cards, but that's just where I'm at.

Anyways, since there is a .00035% chance I'll graduate this semester, I am preparing to beat off (hehe) all the big paying employers who want me to tell them a fancier way to write 2 +2 = 4 (for instance: -(i²) + 2! + eº= 4), and with that is coming the desire to get a little place in the city, use busses, walk much more, and get me a girlfiend (rather than a girlfriend, apparently).

It is true that I will be writing the very same thing here in 5 years (when I'm taking Real Analysis for the 13th time), I know. But, I am just so well-prepared that I am choosing to write a post today that I can use then.

So, now I have justified my use of ads, my desire for money, and I know that sets me apart from every one else. Not. Also, I can hardly wait to see what type of ads self-generate here. As I expressed above, ads on FluffPo for wedding frivolities and sexless marriage remedies get me almost as hot as my new file cabinet, so I can hardly wait to see what sort of ads suit my blog.

My guesses are ads for: therapy, Bedazzlers, handcuffs, cake decorating kits, McCalls sewing patterns, and, in particular, those creepy monkey dolls that look like babies.

Now, I just have to figure out how I'm going to spend the $2.00.


Bubs said...

Don't get your hopes up for cool ads. I was hoping for all kinds of cool stuff, and mostly it seems to be ads for security systems.

And please--be careful with the Craigslist. Please

Anonymous said...

What Bubs said about Craigslist. And I'm not saying that because of the murdering med student in Boston - there are non-murdering creeps out there, too.

Cormac Brown said...

What? I'm tired and all I read was "bedazzled handcuffs."

Randal Graves said...

Mannequins don't moon, not even in that piece of shit Andrew McCarthy bug eye flick. Man, Kim Cattrall was funkadelic.

Yeah, watch the List of Craig, you don't wanna meet anyone as bizarre as I. Oh that's right, it's all ladies all the time with you, dammit.

Fuck that title ownership crap. I hate to get all cliché - okay, it's fun, like beating off - but it's a partnership, Mr. Bee. Ain't like you all are a couple of aristocrats with separate everything.

I want my two dollars!

Dr. Zaius said...

You found my baby pictures!

Lisa said...

Yes - what Bubs said. Be careful with Craig's List. That's where I found my delightful "landlord" in Brooklyn last year. And you know how well that turned out.