5/21/09

Strangers with Brandy

Has any one noticed that this blog has really been going downhill, fast? I mean really, it should be, "Has any one noticed that this blog has really been going downhill, quickly?" And, I don't really give a shit.

Just when I thought we were about to get Mr. Gooey Schlong off the front page, so you could all come on back and read my blog at work again (as if...), I go and put up another pic that might make you feel uncomfortable to have your boss come look over your shoulder. That is, of course, unless you're both into that sort of thing, in which case, now he's pressing his Mr. Happy up against your back and making your Pep Boys uniform all hot and bothered.

I know I'm no Amy Sedaris, and the shock value is much cuter when it's accompanied by a perky bod in a fat suit, or better yet, a merkin. But, buyer beware. I am not a college graduate. I earned the bold distinction of the highest D in the class, and on a grossly curved thingy ma bip, I know Jesus just hates me, and that's all there is to it. It must be because I've given him a sex change and coupled him with a white trash gal from Hooterville whose next diary entry will likely be from prison, where she's changed her mind and just wants a little dick.

The thing is, Amy Sedaris, who I have just decided to try and woo to me with my blog and I might have a chance because I love bunnies, arts and crafts made out of potatoes and was born on the same day as Simon Pegg. Just in case you're dense (and, by that, I mean recognize my triviality), that is not to say I was born on the same day alone. I was also born on the same day in the same year. When the world as we know it first got a taste of SP, it was simultaneously getting its first taste of me. I think Amy might be impressed. I really like ladies in fat suits and Reddi Whip. I'm listening to Me Take Pretty One Day in my iTunes while I make little froodles for the whole family that will be there when they open their fortune cookies. I think I'm going to steal David Sedaris's series of personal essays that act as autobiography style, and will have tell about the time me and Amy Sedaris fell in love when we were working together at Hooters. Then, when I'm a famous writer, she'll want to meet me. Plus, I'll offer her some brandy.

It's the best plan I've got.

Oh, and I'm just gonna take credit for finding this one that Lisa posted over there at the Face Book.



And, for Cormac...

7 comments:

GETkristiLOVE said...

I love Simon Pegg, he's pretty good in the new Star Trek movie although I could do without the Ewok-looking sidekick. I guess the toy makers have got to get their dibbs in somewhere.

I was born on the same day as Dr. Monkey!

Lisa said...

Oh sweetness! I can totally see why you'd want Ms. Sedaris for your own. I think the brandy is a nice touch and I'm glad you found a wholesome use for the Toxic video!

Randal Graves said...

Reddi Whip goes good on pie. I think that qualifies as a 1.5 entendre.

Brandy, you're a fine drink,
How good in a shotglass you will be

Übermilf said...

Simon Pegg is my boyfriend.

Blueberry said...

I *love* Nickel Creek, AND Simon Pegg - a cool person to share a birthday with. I'm stuck with Steve Guttenberg and Rupert Grint (Harry Potter's bff Ron Weasley)

Cormac Brown said...

Oh, dang, the dial-up is so slow that you posted a clip for me and I didn't even know! That's hilarious!

Pain said...

Hey isn't the little blond girl [1:02] cynthia nixon???