Your Toilet Paper is Not Safe with Me

Dear Internetsy-  None of that there this is why I'm writing fluff today.  Don't ask. Don't tell.  All the things swimming around in my big fishbowl; A Job, The Paperwork™, Money, Avoiding Communicating, What Not to Not Wear, Feeding the Masses names a few.  If I were inclined to write a classic eight paragraph essay, there would be my thesis statement and consequently my outline.  How's that for convenient, Miss Manners?  Fuck.

Don't compare.  Don't Compare.  Beware.  Prepare. Care. Bear. Hair.  There's a nice ring to that.  I have not given myself permission to sink my feet into this, my summer vacation, it seems.  Each day that I am not working or not hired, I have time to do the oodles of things that I have been waiting to do.  Plus, my house is clean or actually thoroughly cleanable in two hour's time.  We put that one to the test yesterday and actually had company over and we swam and cooked dinner.  Fun.  The kids of the mom I was schmoozin' with loved my food inordinately, and it was only spaghetti with little turkey meatballs and whole wheat linguine.  I did my trademark maneuver- "which of this assortment of veggies do you want most?" that kids can't resist, and young little cutie was lamenting that there was no more broccoli left.  I was subconsciously insisting my Baby Bees take note.  Though they are good eaters.  Oops, went out of order.  This is the Feed the Masses paragraph after all, or Money.  Whichever.  How do you spell Blighmey?

It's just, "I'm hungry," cosntantly and I kid you not, Snaggletooth has literally uttered: 1) "I'm hungry," while eating and 2) "I'm hungry," as he puts his plate with food still left on it in the fridge (the drill). (wait.  coffee.)  But, despite these best attempts to starve him, he's growing like a weed.  Two of my children have an unusually tall grandparent, and he's the one I'm thinking is gonna shoot up and beat us all.  My baby.  

The Lip Model is lamenting my genes today since she was honest to god scouted by some hip model folks (the ones referred to here and here) Despite her being 5'5" and their being willing to stretch that to 5'6" or 5'7" and knowing she's too short, they wanted to meet with us and took some pictures and want to work with her still, but I feel bad, because she is the kind of gorgeous people have always said is about all that and she's identity invested in the idea of modeling and she has a rare and great opportunity to have the right folks notice, but she is too short for the big stuff.  And, and.  Some of that's just as well.  With uncanny talents in singing and art, I'd just as soon see her do more to achieve recognition, but there is a chance she can work in that field on a smaller (Dallas) scale or that she will be able to let go of "what ifs" and make mashed potatoes.  If that's not the universe dropping down and sayin', "Hey, look," I don't know what it.  Now, go fix the oil spill, damnit.  Worry not random chaos still prevails.

I was just going to say that the universe never comes in and makes things that visible to me, but there are two flaws in that argument besides the fact that I'm not arguing (or am I?), which are: 1)  All this is not to say these things are clear to The Lip Model and 2) Am I not the one who wrote the long missive to kilt boy telling him I lied, telling him following my heart meant not seeing him anymore only to have my internet connection slip between writing that and pushing send and then the next morning waking to a text that said, "I want to see you."  People don't usually say that to me.  It's that damn ninja psychology.  I've had little to no contact, trying to figure out the deal, and that's what appealing, America?  Figures.

Well, I had to go make eggs in the interim (between that paragraph and this).  Things are lean until I get paid Monday.  I subbed for two weeks after my student teaching and do not get paid for that until June 30 and my last two paychecks straddles the weekend I took off work to graduate.  This is going to be a toilet paper stealin' kinda day.  My Baby Bees will be with their dads as I embark upon my impending nine days of work straight as I look to sub for my boss the whole next week.  I'll probably iron my security guard shirt consequently, though I might be hand washing it until I can get my paycheck cashed.  I figure I have just enough gas money to make it there and back three times and I have two bags of beans and a bunch of herbs and veggies I've harvested from gardens I've been watering, plus pancake mix and cornbread makings.  Maybe all that time at work will find me online submitting the excessive number of applications online that it will apparently take to get a job.  I'm in a year lease though December, but the fall may find me commuting to podunkville until I can move there in the fall.  Might be nice, though that's just the limited amount of milk in my coffee talking.  I love how close to everything I'm living right now, and this whole pool that I just get to step out into thing is pretty cool.  A couple kids we know came over to our apartment after we'll lived here a bit, and the younger said,"Hey, I didn't know you moved into a hotel."  It's like that ya'll.

In other on-the-seat-of-your-pants-news, I made the best stew ever.  Seriously, it was.  It was a beef stew.  Since PE agrees with me that "What Would Martha Stewart Do?"™ is a good question, such a good one, I want credit whenceforthwithily.  Maybe a new tagline.  I did google it once, as Martha Stewart would, and it's mine all mine.  Well, she would, undoubtedly make a video of herself making it, and that may be my future ya'll, installments of "What would Martha Stweart Do?"  Post a recipe is the next best thing.
Freida's Cheap and Easy Beef Stew
Firstly, the ingredients:
  • Stew Meat (Cut up beef chunks.  I got it 'cause it was the cheapest. However much you want, yo.  Mine was $2.71 worth.)  
  • A Slew of Potatoes (I probably used 4 medium sized, of mixed variety is my fav.)
  • Can of Diced Tomatoes (A garlic seasoned one is even better)
  • Half a Bag of Frozen Corn
  • A Can of Black Beans (Trust me on this one.  It's the accident that made it brilliant)
  • Half an Onion (Slices not dices.)
  • Three Cloves of Garlic (Diced or sliced.  Go crazy.)
  • A Bay Leaf
  • Paprika
  • Cumin
  • Dill
  • Salt
  • Oil or Margarine (Can't remember-either way.  Margarine is probably yummier.  Actually, butter is probably yummier, but margarine is 79 cents for four rectangular prisms.)
I started half of a pot of water to boil with the potatoes cut up in it while I sautéed the meat.  Don't you dare peel those potatoes.  Let's say you use margarine, Use that and think about lightly browning the meat.  While you are doing that, add salt to both and an ample amount of dill, paprika, and cumin to the meat.  It's a little coated, browning nicely, and now you're thinking what a waste it is to have those herbs stuck to the pan a little, so you put the can of diced tomatoes in with the meat and warm it a bit.  While that is happening, put the half bag of corn in the pot of water and potatoes, then go to your cupboard and put that can of black beans that's been sitting there for a while, juice and all into the big pot.  If it's other beans you've been hoarding, use those, but black beans are always the best forever and ever amen.  (If you have a can of coconut milk sitting on the shelf like I know you do, you could add half of it, too if yer kinky.)  Add the meat and tomato mixture to the potato and corn mixture and then add add the onion and garlic.  Fill that pan as high as you can, set it on low and put it on low and go swim with your 7 year-old while the 11 year-old makes sure the house doesn't burn down, and voila, when you return, the soup it shall be ready and it shall be good and yummy.

Well, now, we have been invited over to afore mentioned friend that visited yesterday's and The Lip Model needs a ride to that big photo shoot after all to be an extra.  These things throw a monkey wrench into my gas money plot, but I'll go do the day.  Plus, I'm tired of being ridiculed for asserting that my writing my beef stew recipe on my blog is a private matter when, in fact, it's just The Genius's way of bullying his turn on the computer.  Peach pancakes and more and more coffee had, as noon approaches, I shall open blinds and face the day's mission to acquire more toilet paper.


Randal Graves said...

I hope your ready for when, after The Lip Model becomes famousness, TMZ lurking outside your window. Distract them with the finest meal known to homer sapiens, beef stew. It'd work for me.

Freida Bee, MD said...

Once again, you nip a problem right in the bud. In other words, you're drunk at work again, huh? ;)

Thanks you for being my friend, Randal.

Bustednuckles said...

I'm liking that stew recipe.
Honey, when you get a few extra sheckels in your hand, you have to try this, my GF came up with it and it is brilliantly decadent and cheap at the same time.
Make pancakes, add the obligatory whipped cream and strawberries on top and then, spread a layer of cheese cake spread in between the two pancakes.
OMFG, is that good!
Ya have to wash it down with something, it is sooooo rich.
Black coffee, milk for the kiddies, I prefer a straight shot of whiskey, it cuts right through all that sweetness.
You HAVE to try this!

My best to ya,


Doc said...

While you're swiping tilette paper dear, you may as well start saving money on gas. All it takes is a gas can, three feet of garden hose and a darkened parking lot. It got me through college.

Best of luck dear, and wear something black and non-descript.