10/2/10

The Seven Deadly Teacher Stamps

I picked this picture while I was watching the movie Seven last evening for the first time... to my great psychological detriment, I'm sure.  I actually fell asleep about halfway through; the remainder just situated itself into my psyche, I imagine— like all those infomercials and episodes of Growing Pains.  Shudder.

I fell asleep sometime before 9PM like I might normally do at midnight when I've stayed up later than I should, but I needed some down time after the kids went to sleep, so Fuck It™. You see, I went back off the coffee sauce on Monday and  there is this deluge of sleep catch up I am dealing with, it seems.  So, all week, I've slept quite well and much, but I am still kinda tired.  Last night I woke up, like a normal person might at 4:30AM with a blessed hour and a half still to sleep, but it was only midnight, so I went back to the other half of my sleep.  This is a very sexy lifestyle.  Time to shift to having dreams about sex instead of having actual sex?  I hope not, but my 12 day in a row marathon work schedule just turned into 19, which might make this work/ sleep thing a way of life, I think.  Shudder.

So, there's my weekend security guard fluffing, my part time teaching job and the one that seems realest of them all, the substitute teaching which I theoretically do on Thursdays and Fridays, but usually blow off because I need the days off.  This past week and now next, I agreed to sub for teachers I know at my children's school.  This post isn't about lust at all, I'm afraid.

Wait, there was super juiciness to report last weekend when I was way too busy to blog.  Sleep deprived was the old sexy, I guess, and Monday found me feeling unwell and hence the circular coffee sauce offageness.  A young gent (I'll call him being three years my junior) and I have seen each other a scant number of times, but there is a very nice rapport that turned extra spicy last weekend.  The thing is, I felt quite swooped up.  I don't know that he doesn't feel the same way, but as a busy week for us both went on, I found feeling so intensely about such matters to be nearly painful.  Pre-occupying, at least.  Pesky lust.  Oh goody, the pic does work.  I'm not sure I want to embrace such suchnesses (though of course, I do).  And, worsely, I feared he may not want to, so displaying them might not be apropos.  He did reply and even thank me (?, but sweet) for sending a couple flirty texts early in the week, but then I went into teenage boy mode and decided that it was his turn to initiate, and... crickets.  sheez.

While, yes, on the one hand, I'm not interested in scenarios in which I do all the initiating (and, duh, he initiated 3 out of 4 of our previous "dates" (sic), but who's counting), I guess the thing to do is just say how I feel.  It's been a comfort to me to give myself a channel for lustful thoughts by allowing myself to aim my lust arrows in other (oh so productive up in the sky) directions when I feel maybe my needs aren't being met in a certain sense by one blah blah... at least in theory.  But, then I think that's probably what he's doing, and oh my gosh, got vague and estupido.  Will.  Send. An.  Email.

Just a sec.  Gotta make the donut round.  (Also, trying to get this out, before I really buckle down here at my other job and get to work on some teaching stuff I'm in a crunch re:.)  Alright, then.

This week in review part:  So, I'm subbing Thursday for a class with 7 special needs students, and I get to my car with three of my own children in tow, ready for school, and my tire is flat.  Almost completely.  I decide I can drive it to the gas station a block from my apartment in hopes of airing it up, but of course, the seal has been broken and it cannot be aired, plus I just ruined the tire, I bet.  This is thirty minutes before the morning assembly starts.  Mr. Bee is Gracious enough to come from his 5-10 minute away place and give us a ride to school (fortunately, I was subbing at my sons' school) and drop The Future President off at her dad's close by from where she was already planning to take a bus, since this was all a little early for her high school's starting later deal.

He's gracious enough to come, but not gracious enough not to not act very put upon.  The store agreed to let me keep my van there for the day and Mr. Bee picked me and the (his too) boys up from school (on his usual pick up day), and because I didn't really want to be asking someone who seemed he would be pouting about helping the whole time to help, I dropped him and the boys off and borrowed his car for the couple hours it took to go buy a small hydraulic jack (finally— my shitty van one bent and collapsed earlier in the summer).  I easily got the tire off, and took it to my favorite east side tire store, took it back, smashed my hand a little (kiss it) and got the tire back on.  I'm dirty and tired, but in good spirits considering and easily let Mr. Bee know I didn't want to quibble about his quibblings.  "Thank you so much for your help," is all I said.  I'll see you on your free tutoring on Sunday evening this week, you grumble grumble.  I'm just happy, I suppose, to receive these little confirmations about my decision to leave and my own inner dykinesses.  I don't need no stinkin' man.  A car, maybe, but... oh well.  Even drama doesn't have to be drama, you know.  I had a school potluck after that, and got pulled over by a cop and got a warning (never happens).  It was a very mixed up, but not awful day, Amelia Bedelia.

The good thing about subbing is that you just show up and you don't have to take it home.  The class I was with Thursday and Friday was fun.  They were a wild pack, but they were fun.  Some of the lesson plans/ assignments the teacher left weren't all there, it seemed, and we did our best and sometimes the children seemed like they were actually learning, so in the afternoon when much of the class is gone out to reading and other support, five children remained in the class.  I had quietly played Tchaikovsky on Thursday while the children read or worked on these stories they were writing, and Friday's Enya prompted a beautiful and serene dancing time that really moved me.

Each morning at the school where I am teaching we do Yoga and sing songs at an opening circle.  There, it was a rare thing to be afforded that space, and yet, if I had to choose, I might say I liked being in that subbing classroom more than I am liking my job.  Maybe it would be the fulltimeness of it, the not feeling like I just got started and then, wham it's over, too soon (with our shortened academic week), or maybe the better theoretical pay.  Or maybe, I don't walk away feeling like I should have done more instead of that we did so much, even if it's not all I'd hoped it would be.  I think I just feel more needed, fulfilled, in the public school setting, even though I am getting some positive feedback from some of the parents re: my own students.

Something similar happened when I moved back to Arkansas for a time after having lived in Austin for five years.  I went back and was the weird one.  The one doing things differently, but in contrast, in Austin, as in my current school, I feel like I come off as the conservative one.  Shudder. 

Well, I'm getting catnappy, and I have thirty thousand things to do here at work.  Grade papers, prepare for student /teacher/ parent/ administrator conferences on Tuesday.  Plus, I've got movies to watch, people.  There are movies to watch, plus let's have a song.

Oh, I've been listening to The Flaming Lips' remake of Dark Side of the Moon a lot lately.  It is stunning.  Plus, as blogging fortune would have it: Wayne Coyne= Lust.  Trust me, I'm a "mathematician."


The Flaming Lips & Stardeath and White Dwarfs//Breathe from MMAFT on Vimeo.



The Flaming Lips - Dark Side of the Moon - Wellmont Theater
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3 comments:

Randal Graves said...

Kirk Cameron loves Sweet Zombie Jesus, do you?

I thought that said 12 day in a row marathon sex schedule. Thus, 'tis not, thuser (thusser?) this isn't your all-time sexaliciousiest post (nudity would help, too).

You ever security guard a felon on your rounds? Come across a mafia of angry mice? Renegade AI?

Does the Texas School Board know there's yoga and singage? Why do I always ask you 49 questions? (only 7, but that's a square root, if you don't believe, ask a mathematician.)

Lisa said...

Sleep is the new sexy. I'm convinced of it.

Liberality said...

I like that they give space for you all to do some yoga, that is really cool.

And thank you for the b-day wishes. It does sound as if you are busy. Me, I would have had a guy do all that tire changing stuff but I'm a wimp with a capital W.