Are We High Enough For This Yet?

Fortunately for me and some lucky male and/ or female security personnel, I will be flying over the Thanksgiving holidays.  Unless the new TSA body scans involve a free breast cancer screening as part of the new invasive Obama-care socialist programs, I will be opting out.

I know.  I know.  You think I care about not undoing all of some of the avoiding irradiated food you think I've been doing.  You think I'm standing up for my right to party and not to be violated.  Or, you know me better and you think I haven't been felt up in some time and this all sounds kinda kinky.

I've been squirming to be handcuffed, you know, and what better way to make that happen than to put my new vibrating bullet in me cunt while I recite The New and Improved Texas Pledge™?  If they insist, I can take it out and remove the batteries.  Picky, Picky.  Actually, I've never managed to get tha little sucker past the gatekeeper before I keep it put, but that's neither here not there.  It should be easy enough, getting manhandled by a stranger, right?  I'll just plan to take an extra seven hours to travel, 'cause you know that when they meet resistance, they like to make sure to show you who's in charge.  I told you they're kinky.  I'm looking forward to it.  In fact, I plan on moaning.

In other sweltering news, I shall be drawing a mustache on myself to attend this event this evening.  This will be my first make-up purchase in several years, a black pencil thing, but I see it as an investment.  Oh, I wish I had a vest.  Also, I technically have a week off teaching, though there are only 10,001 -1 related things I need to be doing.  You might expect a post from me sooner than later, but that's really on you if you want to raise your expectations.

Which reminds me.  Regarding politics, I'm apathetic over here.  People aren't going to learn until they learn, and they're not going to learn.  Except me, of course.  Why yesterday, I learned how to remove semen stains (when someone gave me this awesome book).  A little too late (see that there double meaning:  I have four children and I'm going gay for the holidays).  Really, prevention is best here.  Swallow that shit, bag it up, or avoid it all together.  That's what Miss Manners says anyway.  When will we ever learn?   

I'd settle for unlearning even, people. 

Let's find a video, shall we?

Hi I'm Carl from Jack Tew on Vimeo
I'm being video surveilled as we don't not speak.  I'm sure we're all the safer for it, especially me.


Randal Graves said...

People aren't going to learn until they learn, and they're not going to learn.


This is probably the truest thing ever typed on the interwebs.


I thought vibrating bullets were for chopping up celery. Hmm, hey baby wanna come over and help me chop up my celery?

That's not very sexy.

Freida Bee, MD said...

I only like celery if you slather it with peanut butter, so if we can slather your celery with peanut butter than I'm in.

Freida Bee, MD said...

Uh, then.

I know we agree, unintentional improper grammar is not very sexy, either.

Maggie May said...

i saw this post and exclaimed 'Look at all these naked people! ' and for some reason my husband came right over.

GETkristiLOVE said...

A vest indeed. A pink, furry vest.

Lisa said...

Are you really coming through Atlanta? Because if you are, I'm going to be camping out at Hartsfield Jackson like a deranged Freida groupie.

Freida Bee, MD said...

Maggie- That makes me really happy. Nice to see you. ;)

GKL- Now, I want one! Or, brown corduroy.

Lisa- I am so sorry to report that my mother looked too hard and found a direct flight that didn't include a 6 hour layover for sex in Atlanta. I really tried to settle for such an inconvenient flight, but she didn't have it. ;( But, you know, it seems so much more doable now that I've pondered it. Maybe we can make it happen early next year.