5/1/11

A Week in the Life of the Entitled

Oh hey oh.  Just livin' it up over in here at my work, chillaxin' on a Sunday mornin' comin' down on the internets.  I can't directly speak for the entitled, unless being under a financial hardship student loan deferment qualifies me, which I don't think is the case, but having been formerly entitled, and currently the parent of the entitled, I feel, er, entitled to speak for the entitled.

I couldn't rightly tell you what my entitled children are up to while I'm here at my work, because I have been working nearly every weekend for the past five years and don't see them on Saturdays and Sundays, but I assure you it involves decadent amounts of cereal that no doubt you, the tax payer, are paying for in some indirect manner (most likely through funding overseas wars that make the gas his dad used to drive to the grocery store to buy the cereal possible).  The socialism of it!  I know. 

My two sons are spoiled by the fruits of this great country with their exorbitant CHIP coverage.  I know I should be ashamed, but it's just such good health care coverage that I am hardly sorry.  There, I said it!  It's not too often we use their healthcare coverage, twice a year, but I did go fill that prescription so Snaggletooth could have Epi-Pens at school, his dad's, and my house in the event he gets stung by a bee and has a life-threatening reaction.  I'm a greedy fuck, I know.  Also, there was that time I went and got him diagnosed as colorblind from that theivin' socialist eye doctor.  I know, and I'm sorry.  Other than that, we've been meager entitled people.  My children are dutifully healthy and save for one bout of pneumonia The Genius indulged, I've been a good mother.  (That was several years ago, so I hope you won't hold it against us.)

You see, though I work 60+ hours a week, I am not able to provide my sons with health insurance.  My daughters are covered by the state, but that is because the ex-Mr. Bee works for the state and they are covered though his employment.  I'm not sure if that's socialism or not.  That's a borderline scenario, but one might say the whole lot of 'em, the ex Mr. Bee and my daughters, are entitled, as well.

I, however, am blissfully not entitled at the moment.  I may need dental work, but I patch together enough pay to survive between part-time teaching, security guardin', tutoring, housecleaning, and the occasional trick*, but believe you me I'm not doing it with an impeccable smile.  You're welcome, taxpayer.

I was formerly entitled.  I shamefully received Pell Grants and unsubsidized student loans I thought might even be forgiven since I went into that socialist racket called teaching, but lucky for you, taxpayer, so many public school cuts have occurred, a middle grades certified math teacher with a math degree from one of the premier teaching programs in the US cannot find a job these days.  Lucky for you, teaching positions are being cut right and left.  You Libertarians might be happy to know I got a job in a private school were it not for the fact that it's a non-profit with low-ish tuition that struggles to keep its doors open enough that it cannot afford to provide me with health insurance.  What up, private sector?

I was once a shamefully entitled whore.  I selfishly got myself dumped by the Mr. Bee before the ex-Mr. Bee and became a single mother at 23.  Though I cleaned a midwife's house (for years!) to barter the home births 
of my daughters, it was with Medicaid in hand that I selfishly transferred to the hospital during my labor of The Lip Model to have my 24 hour labor induced.  I know, and I'm sorry.

While the Pope is washin' my feet over in here, I might as well say that I got my thyroid removed on the taxpayer's dime during a three month period when Mr. Bee was unemployed and we were doing bonafide welfare that one time 8 years ago, shortly after Snaggletooth was born.  I'm sorry I'm not a crazy hyperthyroid (albeit skinny) loon any more, but I pulled my entitled self up from my bootstraps after that and went back to school for the next six years to get where I am, now a (whole lot in student loan debt) single mom (with fabulous equal custody baby-daddy support) with four children.

Let's not devote a paragraph to my relief that in some Tuesday in the next month I can skip my sliding scale women's group to go to a once a week clinic that will renew my thyroid medicine, and if I'm feeling really selfish, look into this bruised feeling that's been persisting the last few months between my left breast and shoulder blade. God,I hope it's not breast cancer or some shit.  Ok, we won't.
 
This week my single-parent family unit departed from our usual entitled routine a bit when our mini-van broke down.  Since mommy can't afford a new alternator until she gets paid (after she pays the cell phone bill so she can keep the cogs going, after she pays the rent, after she pays the electric, after she buys a new Cadillac), she went and spent money borrowed from her 11 year-old (clearly, entitled) to buy a bike lock, so they could ride their commie pinko bicycles to school for a change.  (The third person references are no doubt side-effects.)

I did cash in on the sweat of a lass more fortunate (has a running (and cute) car) than me by accepting a ride to my weekend job from my lovely neighbor who pitied the prospect of long by bus rides making my 2 12-hour weekend workdays 16 hours long.  She's such a socialist, and I'm thankful for that.

The funny thing is I don't really want a car.  I don't, but I will begrudgingly be spending my precious hard-earned pay to fix the damn machine threatening my children's futures.  (The Genius himself commented on how much cars make the air stink when we were riding our bikes to school Friday.)  But, with our new bike lock, and de-flattened bike tires, we will be adopting riding our bikes to school two days a week.  I'll see how it goes getting to my teaching job Monday- Wednesday via bus, because save for the self-inflicted cruelty of 16 hour days, I'm hoping to stick it to the man (with the equivalence of a feather tickle) by cutting back on my gas-mongering as much as I can.

That's what up in the world of the entitled, but don't take my word for it, check out Cassandra Bang's newest Snarkipedia entry about Entitlement Programs



And, check out her Snarkipedia Channel on YouTube-- All Snark All the Time.

 *Support No Cure for That by spreading the Snarky word and the linky love, por favor.

3 comments:

Randal Graves said...

We don't kill swarthies so your thyroid can eat cereal!

The Libertine Scribe said...

Woman, I wasted a bloody three minutes searching for a bloody email link on this bloody page.

This bloody comment is not directly related to your post, but it will have to do since you are not considerate enough to leave a mail link on the page.

Anyway, I plan to read your musings/writing/thoughts once I can allocate some time later on (which could bloody mean anywhere between a day to a month). But I would like to highlight one single point.

Your profile page was incredibly, incredibly disconcerting to read. I wonder what goes on in that head of yours, seeing that our interest in books, music and movies are uncannily similar (except mine is slightly better).

At the risk of receiving a smack from my wife, can I just say what an interesting, interesting, coffee companion you would've made half a year ago (before I had these bloody balls and chains wrapped around my ankles).

Right.

Pancakes forever.
Misha

Freida Bee said...

Randal- The GOP says it's one of the greatest wastes of government spending.

Libertine Scribe- My bad. I do like for my email address to be linkable via my disconcerting profile. I have re-enabled it.

That's a bloody lot of bloodies.