1/16/09

How Hard Can it Be?

Ahhh, the power of advertising. 

My favorite headline of the day, you ask?


Last night, we thought Bones might be coming on, and turned on the tv to hear some lame-ass reporter smacking it up in the pre-cap of Bush's (hopefully) final address (unless it's the formal apology he's court-ordered to make before his sentencing at The Hague).  I blurted out to my kids, "We're not watching that crap," and turned off the tv.  But two hours later when The Genius wanted to show us The Mean Kitty Song?  We all watched.  Life lesson?  You've got to have priorities.

My favorite article yesterday, you ask?


I can't summarize the appeal better than just reprinting this excerpt:
The Dallas Morning News reports that the city council "unanimously approved gating Daria Drive." And, in case you were wondering, an article from KERA quotes a council member as saying that the new gate will "be done at his [Bush's] expense." Nobody seems too sure who is going to pay for Dallas police to "provide around the clock security."
I sure hope it's not us!  Maybe Haliburton will feel indebted.

My title was in reference to actually posting.  I have a buttload-and-a-half (that's an uncomfortable amount, I assure you) of domestic duties to accomplish, the most urgent of which is getting a haircut.  Oh sure, my family might say it's folding all of the clothing and bedding I've obsessively been washing since Snaggletooth's most recent acquisition of poison ivy kept him home from school the last two days.  If you call me, I may not answer because I want to get stuff done today and am afraid the school will call and ask me to bring him home.  

Actually, it's much, much better, and since he got it along the school fence this time, I think they should be the one's convincing him that Caladryl won't sting his penis (a lie), bubblegum Benadryl is yummy (maaaybee), and taking oatmeal baths is all the rage.  At least I strained the gynormous pot of oatmeal I cooked, so that it was only the slimy broth I asked him to squirm in.  In a heroic feat, Mr. Bee squeezed in the bath with him.  It was the only way.  It was too cold to implement my "Oatmeal Warriors" game plan yesterday, in which I was going to attempt to convince The Genius and Snaggletooth that covering their bodies in the remaining oats and then having an oatmeal throwing contest is the way all native North American tribes used initiate their young men into manhood.  

It may have even topped the "Partyboy Dance" The Genius performs in some sort of strange persuasive appeal to get Snaggletooth to join him in wearing boxers.  Snaggletooth must have a firm resolve to resist all the false advertising he is presented with day in and day out.  

I think he's got it though.  

Despite all the hype, he still goes commando..., 

and the dog got the vat of oatmeal.

6 comments:

Randal Graves said...

I love oatmeal, even the plain kind.

Where did you hear that lie about manhood initiation? They simply lounged around watching stickball in the longhouse while the all the squaws cooked dinner.

Life As I Know It Now said...

Texas is being punished by having to keep Bush don't cha know ;)

Joe said...

Good lord, this sounds a lot like the rollicking chaos of our household.

We may have to deal with a lot of things in January, but poison ivy isn't one of them.

Utah Savage said...

Now I want oatmeal. I like mine with raisins and a bit of cinnamon. A dab of butter, a sprinkle of brown sugar and milk. Mmm, Oatmeal.

Bush, gone at last, thank god almighty he's gone at last. Hiding out a Camp David.

And how about that great plane crash story. Timed to completely eclipse the Last Gasp of Chimpy.

lisahgolden said...

Well, now you know what you can do with the oatmeal remains. What a shame the weather turned chilly. The YouTube of the Oatmeal Battle would have been a favorite of the masses.

Anonymous said...

I loved that headline, too. FYI - some friends of ours live about three blocks away from Dubya's new digs and are considering putting their house on the market rather than deal with all the peripheral bullshit that will go along with having him as their neighbor.